How do I move on after finding out about my ex's affair?

[LeopardPrey]

I am 18months out of the end of my marriage - have kids but both adult and have left home now. My ex-DH had an affair with someone 20 years younger than him and they are still together. I only found out about the affair five months ago and because I moved out (thinking it was an amicable split and we had just grown apart) he has moved her into our marital home. We live in the same town so I see her out shopping and stuff. It's awful and humiliating.

How does anyone get over this? I am stuck in an endless cycle of revenge fantasies, sadness and rage. It's breaking me. I'm having counselling but it doesn't feel like it's doing much.

@Hyperbolically yes that's exactly it.

she's in my house on sofas I chose, in beds I slept in eating off plates I chose and bought. I barely took anything coz it felt like I wanted a clean break

Keep reminding yourself of this. You have a clean break and a chance for a fresh start. She’s got a second hand husband and another woman’s furnishings. Everywhere she looks will be a cushion she didn’t choose, or a plate that wouldn’t have been to her taste. And on top of that, she’ll forever be wondering if he’s met anyone the way he met her. Unlike you, she knew all about the lies and deceit she now knows he’s capable of. Every time he takes his phone to the toilet or he’s late from work, there’ll be a little flicker of recognition at the back of her mind, even if it’s so deep she doesn’t recognise it. What a position to be in as a grown woman.

What you’re feeling is completely normal. It’s grief and heartbreak. And there is no cure for that except time. One day, you’ll see them and it’ll hurt, but you won’t cry. A while after that and the pain will be less when you see them, until it doesn’t hurt at all and they are of no interest to you at all. And that’s when you have your revenge, which is living a life that makes you happy, with no one lying to you or cheating on you.

If it helps, get yourself a notebook and write in it every night. Pour out all of your pain and hurt on the pages. Call them all the names under the sun and wish horrible things on them both. Get it all out of your system each day. Then burn it. Don’t ever let anyone see it or read it. It’s your way of getting it out of your system.