I was blindsided by a man who I was seeing for a couple of months, although looking back there were small signs. As soon as I started admitting my feelings, and opening up after a beautiful weekend together, he ended it via text.
He took full responsibility and reassured me that this is not my fault, he has a lot of trauma which is making him panic and worry that he will fail me eventually and ending up hurting me and himself, and that he feels inferior compared to my son. He mentioned he is too needy in relationships and he knows it will cause issues for us. He did the whole 'I feel I dont have a choice' and 'you are a wonderful woman with so much to offer' etc 'my door is always open if you want to stay in contact' 'I dont want to lose you completely'...
I know this is true, and although he never treated me badly, maybe he is warning me about a side to him that I am yet to discover. I chose to believe him and accepted the breakup gracefully (I have learned not to chase or talk people out of a decision). I did not accept his friendship offer, I held him accountable where needed, and wished him well. Then removed him from socials etc and went no contact.
I thought I was doing fine after 2 weeks, I stopped crying everyday, started to feel better. But this week is week 3, and I went to a monthly dance social (this is where we originally met) - he always goes but he wasnt there. I was expecting him to be there - I wanted to see him to test my healing and also get any awkwardness out of the way. I feel like he purposely wasnt there because he is actively avoiding me (he did say hes anxious about seeing me because his emotional side will want to make things work).
This has set me back massively. Im finding myself triggered by him not being there, I'm not motivated to do much, but equally I am struggling with the void he left. So it's like I don't want to go out too much, but I don't want to stay home. I just want to keep analysing until I find an answer. In a way, I'm expecting he will be in touch at some point.
Before you all start saying - yes I know I deserve better, I know if he contacts its because hes lonely not healed, yes he is a giant red flag in so many ways.
But I still am struggling massively with moving past this and fear I will be alone forever. I'm 31 with a 2 year old. I find it hard to meet men and like them romantically because my standards have shot up since having my son, and most of them just seem to be motionally unavailable.
I worked so hard to build myself up and heal after my narcissistic ex, only to meet a very disorganised traumatised man 2 years later!
What advice can you give to me? I have hobbies, friends etc. I would just like to meet a decent man with the right intentions. Is there any hope??