Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fed up with assumptions about being single in my thirties

10 replies

Cherrysourpritz · 04/09/2026 12:14

I'm in my mid-thirties and most of my friends are coupled up in long-term relationships or marriages. And I've been dating for a number of years now.

I've had a couple of long-term relationships with men who weren't right for me. One started to become abusive verbally, emotionally, and others, it was clear that they weren't really up for commitment, despite what they said in the beginning.

Of course, I'm experiencing lots of crap on the dating apps, you know, men coming on strong, promising all sorts, and then ghosting. And because of this, I'm sure I'm developing some kind of reputation among my family and friends that I'm either too picky, or that actually I put up with too much.

But the annoying thing is, is that most of these people around me in long-term relationships or marriages put up far more than I ever would have done in any of my relationships. A lot of these relationships and marriages look perfectly happy from the outside, but once people start opening up, things aren't very rosy on the inside, and it's just really starting to bug me how people project onto single people, especially people in couples and marriages.

I've had so many people tell me, Oh my God, you put up with so much, but without really looking back into their own relationships and seeing the considerable amount of shit that they put up with from men in their lives, including cheating, abuse, laziness, chasing other women, always putting themselves first, and no respect.

Unlike these women, I would have actually walked. Yet I’m still single, because I put up with too much for too long in my relationships. Maybe I’m just not as insecure or desperate to stay in such relationships?

Sorry a rant, it’s really bugging me.

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 04/09/2026 12:31

I’m much older than you are and have been single much more than I’ve been in relationships. I’m not saying relationships can’t ever be very satisfying in all sorts of ways but, like you, I don’t understand the mindset that a lot of women seem to have that being in a couple is the be all and end all of life and, whatever else you do, you must get a man!

ForTipsyFinch · 04/09/2026 14:19

I’m 36, I’ve been single my entire 30s. I’ve hard all the unasked for comments, snarky comments from men who imply there must be something wrong with me etc etc. Some people genuinely can’t seem to comprehend that single women may not be desperately doing all they can to no longer be single.

None of the relationships I see around me are anything like what I would ever want 😅 and reading the posts on here make me feel thankful for being single even more.

ShitFacedShakespeare · 04/09/2026 14:23

ForTipsyFinch · 04/09/2026 14:19

I’m 36, I’ve been single my entire 30s. I’ve hard all the unasked for comments, snarky comments from men who imply there must be something wrong with me etc etc. Some people genuinely can’t seem to comprehend that single women may not be desperately doing all they can to no longer be single.

None of the relationships I see around me are anything like what I would ever want 😅 and reading the posts on here make me feel thankful for being single even more.

reading the posts on here make me feel thankful for being single even more.

Yes but the reason for that is pretty obvious. MN is a place people mostly only post about their relationship problems, rather than about normal everyday happy marriages.

Cherrysourpritz · 04/09/2026 15:05

ShitFacedShakespeare · 04/09/2026 14:23

reading the posts on here make me feel thankful for being single even more.

Yes but the reason for that is pretty obvious. MN is a place people mostly only post about their relationship problems, rather than about normal everyday happy marriages.

Kinda missing the point of my post.

Out of all the relationships and marriages around me, I can honestly say the great majority are not happy and the women have settled considerably. I could not endure what they endure. Yet I’m the one who has put up with more shit from men, apparently, because I’ve picked the wrong men. I’m sure as can be that if I ended up with any of their partners, I’d have walked a long time ago!

OP posts:
OMGDidYouSayThat · 04/09/2026 15:13

If someone isn’t right for you then that’s your choice to make, i don’t think anyone should influence that for you, finding the right person can sometimes take years, once you are in a relationship it can be hard to get out of one
if it’s not right, so taking your time in making the right decision is just a very grown up and sensible thing to do in my book.

I think once you’re in a relationship it’s easy to portray that all is well but in reality most relationships have their hidden flaws, it’s up to you to decide what you will and won’t put up with.

Bufftailed · 04/09/2026 15:16

You’re doing great. Come up with a riposte! I started saying ‘I think we’re beyond the point of people assuming women need a partner. I know some people find it odd’. This really stopped people and made them think. It feels hard at times, stay strong.

Mulledjuice · 04/09/2026 15:20

Im in a LTR now but was single for most of my 30s.

I would strongly recommend acquiring some single female friends AND sharing less about your relationships with your coupled-up friends.

it's a funny dynamic whereby the health of LTRs and marriages can be treated as private/for moaning but not for discussion/opinion by those outside, but dates and singledom are fair game for anyone to comment.

ForTipsyFinch · 04/09/2026 15:48

ShitFacedShakespeare · 04/09/2026 14:23

reading the posts on here make me feel thankful for being single even more.

Yes but the reason for that is pretty obvious. MN is a place people mostly only post about their relationship problems, rather than about normal everyday happy marriages.

Of course.

But they still exist, whether they’re an accurate representation of relationships is another matter…they make for horrifying reading.

This is also based on the relationship dynamics between couples I know in real life.

Cherrysourpritz · 05/09/2026 11:40

Thanks for your replies
Good to know I’m not the only one!

OP posts:
tanoshi · 05/09/2026 11:49

I don't mind being single
I don't mind being alone
I don't mind not having sex
I don't mind having sex occasionally
I don't mind days out on my own
I don't mind solo holidays
I don't mind eating alone in restaurants
I don't mind other people having relationships
I don't mind if other people don't have a relationship
I don't mind if those relationships are toxic or brilliant
I don't mind if people make assumptions about me or not
I don't mind what people say about me
In other words I don't give a .........................toss

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread