Blindsided again

[FajitaFriday]

Hi everyone

A couple of weeks ago my partner of 12 years left me after a few rough years of our relationship - it’s too much to go into but things had been hard for a long time.

He was adamant that he was finished with the relationship but after 2 weeks away from me he was willing to come back and take things slowly and get back together. The last 2 weeks have been good, we’ve been spending time together and as a family with our 10 year old son - I really thought we would be ok.

Last night an argument occurred because he’s angry and annoyed that I haven’t come onto him or gone near him sexually during the last couple of weeks of him being back. I’ve reasoned this by saying I’ve just been enjoying the peace and security and letting things heal - the breakup totally destroyed me. I honestly didn’t really even think about it, we don’t get much alone time, he works hard long hours and it just wasn’t something I thought was a massive deal. I thought we were taking things slowly like we agreed and was getting back to normal family life.

This morning he’s messaged me saying he’s sick of begging for something that should come naturally and he’s no longer bothered about it he is used to not having sex with me and that he’s not coming home. He’s blocked me on everything and won’t reply to my emails.

I just feel like he’s pulled the rug from under me all over again when I thought we were gently navigating this hard time. Now my son is confused and quiet all over again because he’s obviously heard me crying and begging on the phone. We’d planned a trip at Christmas and I just don’t understand why this is happening again when I thought we were getting back on track. I honestly didn’t see this coming and I feel broken all over again.

I don’t know why I am posting I just feel so alone and I have no friends or family to turn to. This man is my whole world and I just don’t understand. Thank you for reading 🩷

He left you for the other woman, she didn't want him, he came sniffing back and because you didn't welcome him with open legs arms he's taken umbrage. He's probably got someone else already, whether it's the original one or another.

The only thing I can say is that, as hard as it is just now, you are better off concentrating on yourself and your son and not having room in your life for this manchild any more. I know it will be difficult if he wants access to his son but if he's blocked you then that doesn't sound very high on his agenda.

The early days/hours are the worst but you will get through this. Take each minute as it comes. When you're having a good minute/hour/day fill it with something that will build you up, preferably something new that won't remind you of what has gone before.

I know just now you think your world has ended but there is light at the end of the tunnel; it's a warm, strong, peaceful light, it'll just take a good few steps through treacle to reach it. But you will

He didn’t leave me for someone else. He slept in his car the whole time and I have proof of that.

Reading your post it does seem like your husband came back because he assumed that sex would be available. You took him at his word that he wanted to take things slowly but it seems that he had a different idea of what that would mean. Difficult to see where you go from here if he won't communicate with you. I'd be inclined to concentrate on life with your son and building a new life that doesn't feature your husband. Don't plead with him, it's unlikely to have any positive impact and this situation is destabilising for your son.

So, he just abandoned you and your child out of the blue, then expects things to be as they were before? It takes time to build back up trust when someone pulls the rug out from under you like that. I need to trust someone before I'm intimate with them. He's a dick.

What a ridiculous and nasty reply.

Why are you making up shit the OP hasn't even hinted at, let alone said?

And the way you wrote it, it's like you're 100% right or something

Projecting your own issues will not help the OP one jot.

Oh, just to add, adults blocking people is for when someone you've been dating for a month turns a bit stalky not for long-term commited relationships when you share a child.
I know it's awful and heartbreaking but try and find your anger...he's behaving like a child that hasn't got his own way. He's not worth your tears.

How were things rough before he left OP? You don’t have to go into all the detail but give us some top lines so we can help

He's a bellend. I can understand the frustration and feelings of rejection when your partner consistently doesn't want sex with you, but decent, emotionally mature adults have a respectful and considered conversation about it. Having a tantrum and withdrawing/leaving is terrible communication and abusive behaviour. You have every right to feel angry, OP. He's messing you around and treating you very poorly. Please stop the begging and see him for the man-child he is.

Don’t let him back to play games with your son. If he’s blocked you he obviously couldn’t give a shit about his son

Don't have him back. If he is your "whole world", then it's broken. You need to rebuild a better life for you and your son because this man is no good for either of you and never will be. You can do this OP and you really will be so glad you did.

Did you previously have a fairly healthy sex life? as reading between the lines it sounds like it’s all about sex for him, when you didn’t put out he decided to get shirty, did he leave because he thought you’d beg him to come back with open legs, just a guess as not much to go on.

He’s a cock.

Stop crying and begging.

The trash took itself out. Concentrate on your son.

His definition of 'take things slowly' is obviously different to yours (and mine) if he thought he could just pretend he hadn't dropped a bombshell on you two weeks ago. He's blocked you, so he's signalled that he doesn't want to have a grown-up conversation about anything. You need to protect yourself and your son from his games.