Struggling with my husband’s near constant phone use and feeling lonely

[MrsMiggins8]

Wasn’t sure if this was an AIBU but as it’s massively affecting my relationship, here it is.
The issue is DH and his phone use. I’m so fed up of looking across the sofa and seeing him staring at his phone. Scrolling, X, WhatsApp, whatever. At the weekend his screen time can be around 8 hours.

It’s the first thing he looks at when he wakes up and the last thing at night.
I brought this up, explaining how it made me feel quite lonely and miserable and he agreed to put his phone away for an hour in the evening. That lasted a day. The only time he doesn’t have his phone is when it’s on charge.
Our DC have flown the nest and I’d hoped we’d be enjoying each other’s company now. We are both in the room together but he is having chats with his mates/colleagues he’s just seen, about his day. Is this normal? Is this my life for the next 40 years?

You can’t control his behaviour, only yours.

What do you want from the rest of your life? I am sixty and single and have a great life full of fun and adventures. No men. Very happy.

I have been starting to think this way too…
I think it shows he doesn’t really care that much about my feelings either if he knows how it makes me feel but makes no concessions.
it’s just so blardy boring!!

Our DD had told me before that she feels so ignored by him when she walks into the room and he doesn’t look up from his phone. That made me feel really sad for her too. If I were to say anything to him about this he would think I’m having a go.

Well you can lead an independent life like Bluenotgreen with him in the house - looks like he won't notice if you invite friends round - go out of an evening or all day, take different holidays. My DH has many hobbies - not anything I want to do, he doesn't have interest in mine. We now share housework cooking a bit, i do a bit more.
Should add we're retired

Yes we both have busy lives independent of each other too but it’s making me feel that I may as well not even be there. The time we should be chatting with each other he’s chatting with other people or scrolling.

It sounds as though he is addicted to his phone.
Perhaps you should have another talk to him about how it is affecting you. Does he know it is already affecting his relationship with his DD? Try and impress on him how serious this is. There is advice on line about weaning off addictive phone use. He needs to realise that if he doesn't take steps to alter his behaviour then there isn't really much point in you staying married.

As you say it 's devastating for your DD. Ultimately you can divorce and hopefully find happiness away from this unfulilling marriage but if he continues to isolate himself from his children by prioritising his phone they have in effect lost their father.