Would your partner really confess to cheating if they thought they would not be caught?

[CoCoChanellRose]

Hi everyone,We were watching something on TV the other night where a character confessed to a long-term affair, and it ended up sparking a bit of a hypothetical conversation between me and DH.

He looked me dead in the eye and reassured me that if he ever did anything like that, the guilt would absolutely eat him alive and he would confess immediately because he "couldn't live with the lie."

But honestly? I just don't quite believe him.The more I think about it, the more I think that if a man actually managed to pull off a proper affair, and knew he could take it to the grave without ever getting caught, he’d just keep his mouth shut to protect his own skin (and his comfortable life!).

It’s got me overthinking. Do you think your partners would actually come clean if they cheated, or is the "I'd have to tell you" line just something they say to sound like a good guy?Would love to know your thoughts. Am I being totally cynical here or just realistic?

I don't believe in the confession out of guilt theory.
People only confess affairs when they have no option because they are going to be outed for some reason.

I'd be getting your ducks in a row

It's more about the type of person. Doesn't matter if they are male or female.

I'm more of a 'take it to the grave' type of person so that influenced how I voted 😅
From first hand conversations with male friends, there's not a single one of them have even thought about fessing up - I'd go even further and say they'd deny till they die (if they thought they could get away with it)

One I know is divorced and has an amicable co-parent set up and would prefer to keep it that way so no way in hell would confess to jack shit even now because it would affect the co-parent relationship - years after divorce.

I know mine would tell me because he did. He had a drunk one night stand with someone at a work thing and I’d have never found out (didn’t mix with any of his colleagues, none of them knew about it either as she wasn’t in their team).

I knew something was off and he told me about a fortnight later (because of the guilt)

Sometimes affairs are confessed many years after they are no longer anywhere near the lives of those affected.

There are absolutely very different schools of thought on this.

Agree with this. Mine wouldn't confess because he would be worried about others opinion of him. That's the only reason.

One question OP-how did you get the Poll on your thread?-I've never seen that before-pretty impressive!

I had no idea my ex-H was having an affair.

If I had been on Mumsnet then I might have as he was displaying so many of the classic symptoms. Going to the gym, getting new clothes, staying out late with "friends from work" who I had never met. I had no reason not to trust him so it didn't even occur to me. I was just glad he had made new friends.

He blurted it out to me one night out of the blue as he said he felt guilty about it. Still didn't stop him from carrying on with it. I think he only told me as he wanted to carry on without feeling guilty and felt that once he had told me then he didn't need to feel guilty about hiding it any more.

Luckily for him I got a job abroad round about the same time so it all worked out very nicely for him. Except they were totally unsuited and it didn't last but produced a child who he never sees now.

He liked to see himself as the nice guy and even tried to phone my parents to explain himself. Luckily they were on holiday but he unburdened himself to a friend of theirs who was staying there whilst they were away!!

I had evidence of mine having an affair a month after our marriage ended. He admitted they had met when we were still happily married but still denied it. So, taking to the grave it would seem. Wanker.

No they would not. My husband was given the opportunity, after the AP's husband called him and warned him. He did not tell me himself. He left it for the AP's husband to call me and tell me everything. He was IMO also not truly sorry for what he did. Only sorry that he got caught. AP's husband noticed a change in her, and pressed her until she told him everything.
Men would compartmentalize the affair. Put it in a box and never think of it again.
That is the way most men are wired.

What was the TV show, out of interest?