Friendship Loss Post Bereavement (of a friend in that group).

[Completelyconfused12345]

I lost one of my best friends almost a year ago suddenly to an infection at 28 years old. We were part of a larger group, but we were closest to each other within that group. We told each other literally everything, and went hiking together often.

Since the loss, the group of 8 of us left (4 girls and their partners) has been pretty strained due to one girl in particular. She initially pulled away from group (because she felt her grief was too huge) but continued to talk to me, effectively in hindsight leaving me to build bridges for her when she needed it.

Her and I had a falling out a couple of months ago as she had suggested we go and get tattoos together to honour our friend (twice), then did it without me, without telling me and sent me a text after the fact.

I distanced myself and remained good friends with the wider group, and continued to see them. Then when I heard she was struggling, reached out. We had a long conversation where it turned out her and her partner had been judging the groups grief and projecting things onto us, assuming etc. I thought we put this all to bed and moved on.

Recently something happened which was the final straw for me (cancelling on plans at midnight the night before my friend who passed away's birthday-plans to honour her and be together). They lied about why they had to cancel (I know this for sure but don't want to go into it), and so I said (with kindness) how I felt about it.

A few days later that friend messaged she needed to step away from friendship, and wider group has been distant with me since. Not too sure what to do as I was friends with the other girls in the group long before she was, and I've lost so much already.

I have told that girl how I felt the last 10 months though now she's ended friendship, in terms of judgement of grief, general lack of consideration for others etc, as needed to for my own peace. Again I wasn't nasty, I just talked about how the behaviour had made me feel.

I think she may have been bitching about me to the other girls and saying things that weren't true-I already know she's capable of lying-but this is just a fantasy at the moment. There is no reason why the other girls should be distancing themselves though.

Any advice is welcome-I feel so broken by it.

I'm sorry for your loss op.
how long since that friend messaged about stepping back? in what way so you feel the others are most distant?

You and the so called friend sound as though you were far too enmeshed and that your relationship was not healthy. I am sorry for the loss of your friend but it's not a competition between you and this other girls sadness about the death of your mutual friend.
You ended the friendship a couple of months ago and you should have stuck to that as your instincts were right. She has now reinstated herself in the group and it sounds like she's frozen you out and may have influenced other members of the group too.
Is there another member of the group that you are closer to and could approach to see how things stand within the group as a whole?

It's been about a week (just over). I don't want to be friends with her at all now-I shouldn't have built the bridge back last time really.

The rest are taking a long time to reply to messages but managed to go to gym with the other friend on the weekend-I saw it on socials-so are clearly responding to her

It's a shame because I'd never put anyone in the middle, just want to maintain the friendships I have.