I should leave now shouldn't I

[WeeLex]

Hi, in a relationship few yrs, both in our 50s. Both v independent and that suits me but I've noticed he prioritises his life over us quite a bit. Was meant to see him Monday evening a week past. My phone had died and I didn't reply for 2 hrs or so but he was already in the pub and said he took my late response as me cancelling. We argued over and back by text but i haven't heard from him for a week. He seems to avoid hard conversations and is much happier with joint responsibility but I'm all for accountability. I'm not begging or chasing for the basics. It's difficult because a few days before he travelled the 45 min journey each way to see me for 10 mins and drop off treats for myself and my daughter as we were making a 3hr journey to a concert.

I have no idea what sort of relationship you want or expect from this man. You seem very time and effort focused. Are you having a good time or not? Is he bringing you more joy than hassle?

Well surely it was joint responsibility? You didn't respond for 2 hours, what was he supposed to think? But other than that your post doesn't really tell us much, so can't help further..

For what other reasons is this over and you should leave?

Or have you already made your mind up and what that validating?

Sorry I wasn't clear. We agreed we are both happy to see each other twice a week, once during the week and once overnight at weekend. His work pattern changes a lot so its difficult to plans in advance. That particular Monday i was at work and he texted to see how my day was going but it was after 4 after work when I replied. He was already in the pub at that stage. He often prioritises the pub and his friends so that's what really upsets me I suppose

Sorry I should add I feel I'm carrying the relationship yes, my effort is not reciprocated and I'm noticing this more and more. He seems to want the perks of a relationship without the effort

I wouldn’t want to be in any kind of relationship where I didn’t hear from them in a week. I am all for healthy respective space but honestly I wouldn’t see the point in that. Each to their own though

If you haven't heard from him in a week I would assume he has dumped you, and move on with your life. Arguing with a boyfriend doesn't enhance your life.

In what way is being in a relationship with this man happier and less stressful than being single? How does he actively make your life better for being in it? It doesn’t sound like he’s bringing much to the table, to be honest. Sometimes being with nobody is better than being with anybody. He sounds like just anybody, not someone who is a good partner.

Together for years, one argument and it's finished?

What's the argument about? Did you not respond about being late for an appointment for two hours because your phone had died? Or did you not reply to a "how are you" text for two hours because you were at work?

Your title says I should leave now, if that's your gut feeling then there's reasons, if your unhappy, not getting anything out of the relationship then of course you should leave, you don't even need a reason, life is too short to be unhappy , but you can change it if you want immediately

I've noticed he prioritises his life over us quite a bit Well yes, he will do. Because you’ve agreed the terms of a relationship that encourages you both to keep the other at arms length and him to put himself before you.

If you haven’t heard from him in over a week then I’d say he’s either made the decision for you, or you’re flogging a dead horse.

I wouldn’t bother contacting him to tell him it was over. Just let it go. And if he messages you in a week or two to see if you’re still cross with him, just say you’re tired, it’s gone from fun to hard work and he’s a nice man but the pay off isn’t worth it, so you’re done. If he doesn’t message you, then problem solved. You don’t even need to have that awkward conversation.

Thanks for the replies. Yes I was at work but my phone died so I only saw his message when I got home and by that time he was already in the pub (before 5 on a monday) and over the limit. We argued because we have been struggling to get time together recently, we had agreed over that weekend (he was working) to spending Monday evening together obviously after my work. so i was annoyed that he just took himself off to the pub. Ever since the world cup he has been spending 3 maybe 4 nights a week in the pub.
Yes I agree, his silence is a response. I'm not going to text, chase or explain and I'll just leave things as they are. Thanks again

delete

Do you actually go out and do anything together? Holidays? is it more a twice a week shag and maybe drinking?

He sounds boring and likes to drink too much which is not attractive

Good point, yes we do but not often. Only really happens if I instigate it.