I mean, if we look at it objectively, what reason or excuse could there ever be to abuse your partner? Let alone to the point that you make them afraid for their (safety? Property? Children’s safety?)
And if someone behaves like that then, we can only conclude there is something seriously not right about them.
So with that in mind, how could that ever be someone you could trust?
Now maybe, if he was say, an alcoholic or a druggy or had a serious mental health condition that had gone untreated, that might explain their abuse, and maybe if they got treatment for it they could change. And when they were substantially along in their journey, if you didn’t have kids at least, you could consider risking taking them back once they had done that work.
But if that’s not the case…then, you’re just going to get the same man back that left. A wrong’un. Just saying “I’m sorry, I’ve changed” means absolutely nothing.
And you would be mad to risk it even if it is the case becuase, you have children you have to consider. They shouldn’t have to see their mother abused or at risk.
It often creates a horrible dynamic where they fell they have to side with their abusive parent and, also start to treat their mother badly - or he might treat them like he treats her.
As a pp said, I’d question why he is only apologising now too. If that’s the case. Maybe a relationship ended.
And has he done any work whatsoever to show he has changed?
Ask, what set him off before? Was it when you said no? When you called him out on his poor behaviour? When you wouldn’t do what he wanted? So, how would he be different this time.
Can he take no for an answer now? Are there scenarios you can see over the last years that might demonstrate that this new found introspection is anything more that a ruse?
Has he put the kids first since leaving? Or, played spiteful games instead?