Fiancé told his sister I was abused as a child - she weaponized it in an argument with me

[MichelleRodriguez]

I used to live in a different part of the country to my husband. He used see his sister a lot (and lie about it) because they would smoke weed together at his house. Sister is married. It was during this time he must have told her something deeply personal to me about being abused as a child. I told my fiancé (now husband) this in confidence and am confused how or why he would have shared this, he says he cannot remember telling her.

In an argument, she laughed and said my brother sat back and watched and done nothing about it. I was LIVID.

For context, this is the same sister that when my fiancé tried to set boundaries in the past she has said things like "i wanted to text you but didn't want to seem in love with you" and "i would do literally anything for you" and "i cry myself to sleep because my brother isn't there for me - do you know how that feels"

anyway, struggling to get over such a serious breach of trust. I can tell he regrets it and he does not have contact with her now.

I'm sorry, it's a little bit confusing - In an argument, she laughed and said my brother sat back and watched and done nothing about it In an argument between you and her? she brought up you having been abused and laughed about it? who said that your brother sat back and watched and did nothing? Sorry, it's not very clear.

But if it means that she brought it up in an argument between her and someone else, it looks like he didn't realise just how inappropriate his sister was, or how much of a bitch.

But I would struggle to get past it too. If we have an otherwise loving and respectful relationship and he's not in contact with her now, give it time especially as he clearly regrets it.

People (in this case him) fuck up sometimes, and regret it, and regret hurting the one they love (you). You can move on from it, in time, though it will leave a scar.

That was a massive betrayal of confidence OP.

Why did he cut off contact with his sister? Was it because of her using this information against you? Tbh their relationship sounds as though it was pretty unhealthy given the incestuous type comments she has made to him in the past.

I am sorry this has happened, what a dreadful person she is. Your husband shouldn't have told her. I think he may have even broken the law by telling her - survivors of sexual abuse have lifelong anonymity if the police have been involved and potentially even if they haven't.

If you're worried she might gossip about you to other people, your could ask a sexual abuse survivor's service for advice on this, and I hope you are getting the right help/have had help anyway.

And tell your husband to keep his gob shut - I'd be very unhappy with him too - he needs to understand and respect the trauma you have suffered.