Partner admitted for mental health assessment and I feel overwhelmed

[Twwing]

My partner got admitted to hospital today for a mental health assessment. I’m now home alone and I’ve never felt so alone in my whole life. The place is a mess. My clothes are all over the place because he destroyed the wardrobe. I don’t even know where to start from here.
Not sure why I am writing this as it won’t achieve anything.
I feel guilty because I probably should have called someone days ago but I didn’t. I called my mum earlier and cried and that only made things worse because now she is worried and bombarding me with calls that im not ready for.
I have to be in work tomorrow and also look after someone’s cat, and I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do this with all of this going on.

Hugs OP. I have been there with DH. First of all, be glad he’s not there any more. He’s very ill. Let the professionals deal with it. You’re not responsible for him now. It’s completely natural to try to deal with it yourself and often no action would be taken unless he was in crisis anyway. Most of all, take care of yourself. Consider talking to your GP and being signed off for a few days. You need to adjust and rest.
In terms of your husband’s treatment, I would recommend contacting a mental health advocate asap. They are an independent person with experience of the system who can advise on treatment, explain the process and ensure that your husband’s rights are observed. Be very strong on discharge - he’s been violent and you can’t be expected to manage him alone until you’re sure he’s well enough.
For yourself, I would get in touch with your local carers network as they were marvellous with me. You qualify as a carer for local groups because of his illness, even though you’re likely not entitled to carer’s allowance at this stage (and hopefully not at all).
Also, when you’re feeling up to it, read Heavy Light by Horatio Clare. It’s an account of his psychosis but also an evaluation of the sectioning process and various treatment options. It’s beautifully written and invaluable in terms of understanding the pros and cons of drugs.

OP, make sure you are up to speed on the term "nearest relative" and the legal implications. That's VERY important if you are not married.

It might also be worth talking to Mind. They can’t advocate, but are very well versed in the processes of MH detainments.

Oh love, that is a LOT to deal with.
What’s your workplace like, could you take a few days sick or emergency leave?

I’ll ask for some days off I think.
Thank you for all the advice which I will look into

Don’t feel guilty. I Know from experience that one of the hardest things to do is to remove someone’s free will and have them hospitalised. That’s a huge decision for you to make and it’s hard.

For now, if all you want to do is close the bedroom door and have a cup of tea, do. Just take a bit of time to breathe. Allow your mind to slow down.

And lots of people on here will give excellent advice and hold your hand.

go off sick. anyone in your situation would be stressed.

tomorrow tidy up and fix the wardrobe or get rid of it. you can get another one.

catch your breath it’s been a stressful, worrying and emotional time. hes in the best place. hopefully hes kept in as he sounds dangerous.

You have been through an incredibly difficult and emotional day, so it is completely understandable to feel lost and overwhelmed. Please be kind to yourself, take things one moment at a time, and remember you don’t have to face everything alone.

I just want to understand what happened and why because it doesn’t seem fair. But I probably just have ti sleep too.

It’s a really understandable response, to want to be able to find reasons and tie it all up logically. I don’t think mental health always works like that though. I hope you can find some peace and sleep tonight x

I'm so sorry to hear about this OP. You are probably in shock and need time to process this. Can someone come over and stay with you?
It's good that you spoke to your mother. He is in the best place right now and getting help, but you need some help and support too. Be kind to yourself.

Turn off your phone. Go back to bed. Everything else can wait.

Two things to do today -

1. Contact work and tell them you won't be in for the rest of the week due to family emergency.

2. Call Mind and ask for some support and advice.

This is such a difficult thing to go through and you need to be as gentle as you can with yourself. You definitely should not be in work right now. As PP said, go back to bed, or veg in front of the TV for a bit - everything else can wait.

It’s the worst thing I could have done and she is making everything worse.
But I have taken time off work although this feels like a strange vacuum now.

My sympathies for what you are going through, it is overwhelming at the beginning. You said you want to understand what happened, the hospital will have ward rounds, weekly or fortnightly, where all the professionals that are treating your husband meet to discuss his care, you should also be invited as his closest relative, your input is valuable and adds to the picture.

How are you doing OP?

Thank you so much. I'm ok I think and will take it one step at a time.
Turns out that this is not the first but second time that this happened to him so they are taking it more seriously.

I have to ask how you are feeling about it all and what has led to this hospitalisation?

You mentioned he destroyed your wardrobe? Was that out of anger? I ask because a family member did the same. He is likely autistic and gets incredibly overwhelmed but I know that his kids and I suspect wife gets terrified by these very violent and aggressive outbursts.

You are a person in this situation too. In my relatives case once the DH was hospitalised all
of the focus shifted onto him and what everyone was supposed to do to make this better for him that a traumatised wife and children got lost in the mix. Don’t lose yourself in this situation please. You deserve a peaceful life.

I don’t think people should encourage op to go off sick if she is not sick, she should ask for compassionate or carers leave or use annual leave

I didn't go on sick leave. I took a few days off as I am having a family emergency.

Thank you so much. I'm worried about that too, especially since my mum turned out less than helpful with all of this.

Yes, we know that it's psychosis and likely caused by some news that he received last week (his mother had died). I had not expected this as he had not grown up with her but it clearly caused something. I have no idea why he did this but he was very aggressive and didn't make much sense. It was definitely terrifying but at least he is getting help now. I'll try to take this one step at a time.

This is serious and you absolutely should have known about the earlier episode. Had he just assumed that it might never happen again?
If you live together you need to get a lot of advice on this as this could obviously happen again some day.