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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I just can’t have my mum in my life anymore.

28 replies

ScaredButUnavoidable · 31/08/2026 10:58

My mother has always been a bad mother for a variety of reasons, but I just tolerated it and ignored it because she was my mum.

Well 18 months ago it all came to a head and I finally opened my eyes to just how damaging she is, and just how much her parenting throughout my entire life has affected me. I lifted my head out the sand, faced the truth and after lots of counselling I made the decision that I just didn’t want her actively in my life anymore. It was an extremely difficult time.

It was all kept very low contact, the odd message here and there, she’d randomly turn up with birthday presents and Christmas presents but that was the most it was. I got a new phone number so she can’t call me or text via that, it was only messages via MSN.

Up until a month ago I hadn’t seen her in well over a year and we’d had really minimal contact. My mental health was so much better and I felt like I was finally moving forward in life. I am still in counselling though trying to unpick all the damage she did but overall I am in a much better place.

However, due to family issues that began a month ago she’s now had to re-enter my life. I haven’t physically seen her but Ive had to have many phone calls with her, lots of messaging etc, shes constantly being talked about by those around me shes back in my head again. Over the last week it’s ramped up and I am spiralling. My anxiety is through the roof, my mental health is plummeting again, all the awful traits in her are now back in full force and it’s like I’m having to re-live everything I have worked so hard to put behind me (and that I’m still working on).

This morning I just broke down. I just can’t do it anymore. She is so, so bad for me. I have now blocked her on absolutely everything because I need her to completely disappear. I don’t ever want to hear from her again or even have her be mentioned. I need her to completely vanish from my life.

Has anyone ever had such a damaging mother that this really was the only option?

I just can’t do it anymore 😢

OP posts:

Yogabearmous · 31/08/2026 18:12

Ask the other POA to take the lead, you can still sign things etc without having to speak with your mother.
you have made a tough decision Op, but you have to protect your mental health

theslowdown · 31/08/2026 18:20

AcquadiP · 31/08/2026 15:35

"that's who she was and she couldn't help who she was"

Sorry but I fundamentally disagree with this.
We're not taking here about the odd parenting error caused by fatigue, stress or inexperience. We're all human and we all make mistakes. We're talking about a long catalogue of mistreatment that has caused havoc with the op's mental health and still is.

My mother was deliberately cruel, maligned and humiliated me at every opportunity and was cold and aloof. This started when I was 7 and continued well into my adult life until I finally broke away. I wasn't a problem child: I worked hard at school, stayed away from drugs and trouble, went to a very good university and bought my first house at a relatively young age. I wanted so much for my mother to be proud of me but she never was, just negative and resentful. I tried so hard to have some sort of semi-decent relationship with her for years but it was a one way street.

We all have our own personality but it's a choice to be cruel, to withhold love and care, to deliberately undermine someone, to make them feel "less than."

@trumpisruin was talking about her own mother. You are talking about yours.

I'm sure she knows her own mother well enough to make the statement she made about her – it doesn't change what you know to be true about your mother, which sounds incredibly hard too.

I think when discussing relational dynamics like these we'd all do well to permit one another our own perspectives on what happened to us, without thinking one person's understanding of their own situation is a moral statement about ours.

Pinkbananaa · 31/08/2026 18:24

Yes my mother is a narcassist. I have recently cut contact after alot of consideration. She brought nothing to my life and she belittled myself worth. The final straw was constantly bad mouthIng dad that passed away depsite be telling her not to. They were still together when he passed away, not getting my lovely aunties her sister ashes from the funeral home and getting her buried with her parents 3 years later and then turning her venom towards my dd. Her demands and expectations were unreasonable. Im the second out of three dc to go nc. Im happy if you want to chat feel free to pm. Many people who have good parents dont quiet unstand how hard it having the woman who birthed be such as nasty bully.

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