Does anyone else have a long-term sexual relationship that is almost completely unspoken?

[Emaho]

I’ve been in a long-term relationship for many years. We have sex regularly and our relationship is otherwise good. But sex is almost completely unspoken between us outside of actually having sex.
We don’t really talk about what we enjoy, what we might like, how sex has changed over the years, or what sex means to us.
I’m becoming curious about how common this is. Are there other couples who have a regular sexual relationship but don’t really talk about the sexual relationship itself?
I’m not particularly looking for advice about fixing anything. I’m interested in hearing from people who recognise the experience and what it’s like for them.
Especially interested in hearing from people who’ve been together for 15, 20, 25+ years.

Been together 25+ years. We don’t particularly discuss sex. In our earlier years, we discussed it sometimes in terms of what worked for us and what didn’t but haven’t discussed it for years although we still have sex. I don’t think either of us has felt any need to do so. But the fact you’re asking this question suggests you do have things you would like to discuss.

Been together 17 years, we used to talk about it quite openly and have been quite adventurous/experimental over the years, that changed after DS and settled down we do have a good regular sex life, we don't need to really talk about it much anymore as we know each other very well

I think you find out what each other like over time and so not sure there needs to be any discussions unless someone is not happy, in which case it's for them to raise I would say. Not everything needs to be talked about and if it ain't broke don't fix it.

It’s not something we discuss. I think we’ve probably checked in a small handful of times along the lines of “is there anything you’d like which we aren’t doing?”, but beyond that it’s not something we talk about or analyse. I’m certainly very happy, and would say if I wasn’t; and DH knows I’m of the belief that everybody is responsible for their own orgasm, in the sense of sex being something you have to communicate your desires on and it’s not reasonable to expect your partner to read your mind or try to second guess what you want: if there’s a problem or dissatisfaction with the sex you’re having then it needs to be raised.

We’ve been together 30 years. We tend to talk about it now when there is an issue, eg when I was going through menopause and sex was painful, and we talk sometimes about what we like and what we’d like to try, but not as much as we did years ago.

DP and I have been together for very nearly 20 years.

For the first couple of years we talked about sex quite a lot. DP has never been able to orgasm, whether by herself or with a partner, so there was a fair bit of communication around that, what made sex satisfying for her in the absence of an orgasm etc. After the first couple of years though we pretty much knew what the other liked so there wasn't a lot to talk about in terms of sex, it was just something we did.

It's like making a cup of coffee. I know how DP likes her coffee, there's not much to talk about there other than "Fancy a cuppa?"

That all changed a couple of years ago. DP hit perimenopause, which came with the usual range of drawbacks for her, but one massive advantage, orgasms! Suddenly, I've had to completely relearn her body, what she liked before is now too much, things she couldn't stand previously are now some of her favourites etc. Obviously this has led to a lot more communication, and we're talking about sex a lot more outside of the bedroom.

Um, i'm not entirely sure what you mean. My husband and I have regular sex, we have been together so long we know what each other likes, we don't really talk about sex, we don't feel the need.

We don’t talk about sex really (20 years together). I think I’d find it stressful to think of anything “new” I’d like to do or change… maybe I’m just not imaginative enough.

My late husband and I were both communicators, and that meant checking in on our sex life too. But it was more present focused, not how things have changed or what sex meant to us.

Sounds like a blog posting situation