How do you decide if dating is for you or not?

[YourTwinklyAquaMentor]

As per the title of my post.

How do you decide if dating is for you or not?

Frankly I have never enjoyed the process and have never got a long term relationship out of it.

I'm 43 now and in all honesty I cannot be bothered with the process and the endless arranging to meet men only to be flaked on.

I'm quite a resilient person in general but it shouldn't be this bloody difficult to find someone normal.

Take Hinge for example, I set my profile to 25 miles and apparently there is no one that radius between 30-50. I want to be able to meet someone and get to know them. I can't do that if they are more than 50 miles away.

Being single I feel is easy but I can tell I you hate the 'looking for a relationship' stage or 'actively looking' stage. I can only speak for myself but I find it stressful and overwhelming with the sheer amount of shit you have to wade through to find someone decent.

I don't think it's worth it especially being on apps in 2026. They are all shit, the lot of them.

I think some people like me aren't wired for online dating or social media.

I don't wish to date someone that much older than me but where are late 30s to 40s men found?

Anyway hope everyone is having a nice bank holiday 🙂

Yes, online dating is demoralising. As has often been said, dating platforms are designed to keep you on them. You keep paying your monthly fee and they keep making money. Even the free ones are designed to keep you on them. Keep swiping!

In the main, the best way of meeting people is to get out and meet people. Just because men aren't on Hinge doesn't mean they're not out there.

@GingerPubes Think I'll delete them as they are making me unhappy.
I also struggle with online interactions in general so using Facebook or Instagram wouldn't work for me either.

This modern way of meeting people isn't for me.

Life was better before 'social' media.

I hate the apps too, I prefer meeting people out and about with that natural chemistry. I’ve met men through travelling about on public transport to work, people I know through work, men at bars etc.

I can well imagine. Honestly, I think its part of the algorithm to induce people to keep coming back to participate in what is not really a good experience in the vain hope of meeting someonne special. Like many forms of social media, its a bit soul destroying.

"where are late 30s to 40s men found?"

At home with their families - they'll divorce a bit later on.

Things are different now. Maybe an age thing, maybe the fact times are different. But even though I am much more confident and happy in myself, I couldn't chat up a woman in a bar etc... how do I know they are single, or that I am not making a nuisance / them feeling uncomfortable?

Where are you? Unless in remote Scotland I cant see you having no matches locally?

To answer your question, I think you just know deep down. I'm the same. I hate the apps (genuinely every time I've used them, I've been left feeling far worse than if I hadn't bothered). I hate dating - I don't know how anyone finds it 'fun', for me it's always just been tedious and stressful. People, I find, are generally disappointing, and a lot of people have the expectation that you have to be physical by date three or even earlier, which isn't for me either.

In comparison, life is so much more calm and peaceful when you abstain from that rat race. Maybe I'll meet someone naturally out and about, but I'm really not bothered if I never do. I think I'm just not built for modern dating culture. It's not for me.

I met my wife 3 years ago through Facebook dating. I had been on another app POF) for a while and got fed up. I found the getting to know you by text stuff exhausting so I deleted my profiles and gave up on online dating. One night I was bored and on FB and there was a notification saying 'try fb dating' so I set up a profile and decided that the first person to message me was going to stand a real chance. As long as they weren't hideous, I was going to just go for it completely. My wife messaged me and she wasn't hideous. Neither was she my type, similar to me or in any way someone I would normally choose. I was also 43 at the time. We met up a few weeks later. She had loads of red flags, we dont speak the same language, she had problems she wasn't ready to discuss, she was overly clingy. It was wild. I carried on being invested anyway. Within weeks, I fell in love, she moved in and we got engaged. We got married a year to the day of our first date and that was over 2 years ago now. I'll never look back! Best thing i ever did. I think although true happiness often wont come out of a story like mine, what i did was significant in the sense that I was invested in it. Before, when I made profiles, I wasn't and the process bored me and became soul destroying. By deciding to really take a chance on it and forget my usual hang ups, the whole thing actually worked out. My wife, has changed my life for the better in so many ways. Its anusual story but there's no way I would have even looked at her profile for more than a few seconds if I didn't have that mindset. I would have missed something really special.