Feelings for ex?

[puppycatdog]

Looking for the experiences and opinions of others who have or have attempted reconciliation with an ex.

We separated a few years ago, no cheating or abuse, just fell out of love and really were not getting on, both unhappy. There were trust issues, he did lie about money, drugs, gambling etc. which I’m fairly certain he’s not touched since. When all of this came to light we did work through it for a couple of years after but ultimately it did the damage and we split. Since separation he’s really worked on himself and has been in a good place the last couple of years.

We share children so still regularly see each other. From things being civil but quite tense at the start I’m sure we could now be described as friends - get on well, share the odd meal at home with children, attend events together with the children, have children’s birthdays and Christmas together and so on. He has a great relationship with the children.

I can’t now help but feel things are changing, like we’re getting on really well - nothing has happened, neither of us has mentioned anything. Neither of us has had a partner since.

Maybe it’s hormones (peri?) or rose tinted glasses but I feel like if I broached the subject it could be the beginning of something. I don’t think I could live with him though, and ultimately could all be traumatic for the children if it went wrong.

Feeling confused and would appreciate the opinions of those who have good relationships with their ex and where that has ended up.

I have a good relationship with my ex and it’s the best thing for our DC’s. I know with absolute certainty that we don’t work as a couple. I tried for long enough. But he didn’t. He has worked on himself and so have I.
I would never risk the stability a good co-parenting relationship brings to our DC’s by going backwards into potential chaos.
Appreciate what you have and date elsewhere. They are most definitely rose tinted glasses as he’s an easy option. But potentially a really destructive one.

Leopards never change their spots OP.
I'd not risk a good co-parenting arrangement…they’re like gold dust.

What works well as a friendship and a coparenting relationship may not work in a romantic relationship. I would value the connection you had now and the trust you’ve built for eachother as it is. Without risking it.

This. ^^
We amicably separated for 5 years. Didn’t bother divorcing.
Remained friends.
We co-parented easily.
I got sucked into returning.

OMG, it was a huge mistake. He reverted. Leopards and all that.

I had to start all over again on my own.
Finally divorced.
Remained in touch but sadly he died.

I do not recommend it.

It's good to have a friendly relationship with a co-parent. But you cannot be sure he still doesn't have problems with drugs or gambling (how would you know?) I highly doubt that getting back together would be a smart move at this point. If it doesn't work out, you would be putting your children through another separation and upheaval. Stick to being friendly and look elsewhere for a partner.

People do change - many are able to give up crime, gambling, drink etc... Not all, but people do.

If the OP ignores this, they will always be wondering "what if". If you are certain things have changed, and you get on, ask the question. But be really open about expectations, what are red lines etc...