Am I overreacting to my friend’s message about travel plans?

[UniqueOpalSwan]

Always help my best friend at her sports competitions as does another girl. It’s high level and she has qualified for a national competition.
i asked on the what’s app group ( specifically for the competition info so we post dates and results ) should we make plans for the national competition.
reply was a plan obviously made between her and the other girl but what has hurt me is that it states ……there’s room in the car for anyone! I’m not just anyone surely.
I am so upset as now she refuses to discuss the arrangements. Am I being over sensitive?

Sounds like you are. Also you're being over sensitive

What does she need so much help with?

Yes, you are. Also, why have you and the other friend made her sports career such a big deal? It sounds like you are more like unpaid assistants and drivers. The whole friendship sounds oddly hierarchical.

Do you mean no room in the car? As in she’s excluding you?

If you count yourself lucky that your days of unpaid assistant to a full of herself so called friend is over.

Meet for coffee etc but stop being used by her.

Your right it’s probably a blessing I’m being left out , I just always felt part of an ‘inside’ group so it’s hitting me hard now as it was a big part of my life

But are you even being left out, they are saying there’s room in the car. Although, if I were you I’d probably give it a miss anyway. It doesn’t sound like a healthy or balanced friendship. It’s almost more like you’re a fan.

Sounds like you've formed an unhealthy friendship with this girl and you're basically her unpaid help. At least you know where you stand now.

You’re being over sensitive and a bit odd about this.

They’ve said there’s room in the car, your friend can make arrangements with whoever she likes, it’s quite an immature reaction to think she can only make plans with you, perhaps she’s feeling a little smothered?

I don’t understand. She said there was room in the car. Have you missed part of the story out?

I’d read that as the other friend already agreed to help her. Maybe she feels guilty demanding so much of you all the time so wanted to give you a break this time. But she’s saying she’d still love you to come, but you don’t need to feel like you have to say yes if you want to sit this one out. That seems really thoughtful of her to me.

I've never labeled anyone my best friend as I know how friendships often evolve, with some lessening or ending. Sometimes there's an ebb and flow, with lessening and then growing stronger again.

I don't know why you were trying to be the leader in arrangements. Seems like she'd be the informer and the one to ask for help.

Anyway, I guess you were sensitive to her wording, which sounded like you weren't special to her.

Perhaps just pay attention to the dynamic moving forward. Don't put any more effort in than you're getting. If you're usually the one to initiate get togethers and message, ease back on that and see if she reaches out first sometimes. That's the best way to gauge if you're a priority to someone or not. If you feel neglected by a one-sided relationship, it's time to seek out new friendships or devote more time to existing friendships where you feel valued. Take care.

Ask her then, in a clear text message or call that, and you'll at least know. If she belittles you for asking/says something nasty, well you're already hurt anyway, and at least it'll give you the clarity to walk away.
If she has her trainer/husband and kids and there genuinely isn't room, fair enough.

Message and clarify if there's something you're not sure of. I see so many people cause or experience unnecessary grief because they just took something the wrong way and never checked the actual meaning, although I don't see anything except an invitation for others to join 🤔

I’d say she just didn’t think and maybe her snd the friend were around each other when she found out so they planned it- it is irrational you’re so upset but we’re all irrational at times x Go and get involved as usual x

My understanding of this is that this will be a big competition and that OP is feeling upset that arrangements were made without including her.

This is thoughtless and hurtful as you have given up so much time and been such a good friend.

Put yourself first from now on. Focus on doing fun things with other friends. These competitions must get tedious and you will soon enjoy the freedom!

It sounds like you (and the other girl (woman?)) are a bit over invested in your friend’s sports competitions tbh.

Well now you've found out that other people's view of the friendship group is not entirely the same as your own, and it is really galling.

Sometimes (it happened to me) you are made to feel like you are one of the 'in crowd' and then something happens that makes you realise that you were just a convenient facilitator for someone else. Realisation dawns that they were using you. It hurts.

Only you can decide what you want to do now. Do you want to carry on with this person being friends with you because you are useful to them, or have your rose-tinted glasses slipped off too far?