First time sleeping over

[SingleMum00]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 5 months. First relationship since I left my husband 5 years ago. We’ve got to the stage where we’ve decided he should stay overnight.
I'm so nervous about it. My friends are all telling me to stop overthinking it and get it done. I have two teenagers who have both said they’re ok with it but it still feels like a huge step.
any advice?

Have you had sex with him yet?

Will teens be at home that night?

"Get it done"? Are you ready for this? If in doubt give yourself more time and take the pressure off. Doesn't sound like you're gagging for it. Chat to your partner about how you feel.

Which part is making you nervous? Having sex, showing him your house, him meeting your kids? Is it first time for all three?

Yes we’ve already had sex. We just haven’t spent the night together yet.

There’s an added complication that he’s just got a new job which means he’s moving away and we feel the only way we can continue things is if he spends weekends at mine. Otherwise it’s too much travel.

How far away @SingleMum00?

Try to vary it so u go to him.too. in my experience it can get too much if only one person does it. It can get too much for both parties

That in itself is a reason not to do it. You are rushing to suit his circumstances perhaps?

Housing a boyfriend on your kids two days off school each week doesn't sound particularly enjoyable. If he's moving it seems like a natural end to dating.

I wouldn't be staying over with teens in the house after 5 months of dating. Way to early IMO.

My teens have met him lots of times. He’s been to the house at lot and we’ve been out bowling together. My kids will always be here as they do not have a relationship with their dad. I won’t leave them home alone overnight so if he can’t come here then I guess I can’t try to pursue a relationship.

Why can't they be left overnight?

I don't think it's fair to make them share a house with your new boyfriend every week.

I’ve always thought the whole needing to sleep in a bed together just becuase you are an item is a bit…unnecessary.

It doesn’t sound like you want to. So why do it?

The lifestyle you have now seems to work fine so why do you need to start sleeping over at eachothers houses if you don’t want to.

Nothing kills the mood more than someone farting in their sleep and snoring the whole night.

And this probably is a bit soon for him to be hanging round your house with your kids anyway. The fuck would I let some man I’d only known a few months around my children. Let alone sleeping over. Stick to afternoon shagging and dating. It’ll keep your life hassle free and your kids safe.

I understand the problem, but meeting kids that early is not right IMO. The kids could get attached (because no male around) and if your relationship goes tits up they will be affected. Also, depending on what age they are they're not stupid they know what's going on. And further more when they want GF/BF to sleepover you can hear the teen logic now. But you had XXX sleepover why can't I? Just my opinion OP.
Personally I don't blend families. Ever!

And heads up, google puts it at 1 in 5 or 6 men fancying children. “Under certain circumstances”. What that means I don’t know but I sure as hell would be careful with men around me if I had kids to think of. Because who do you think these men gravitate towards? Single mums, that’s who. Better still if there are no exs in the picture. And she’s cool with you meeting her kids before the six month mark.

I mean, look, chances are he’s a top bloke. But personally I think you might be taking a bit of a risk here. And, if you don’t want him to stay over, or to stay over at his, you are not obligated to “get it over with”. I’d keep him at arms length ans a just for fun thing for now and and reevaluate in a year or two.

Sadly I have to agree, men see differences in women with kids. And pick up on stuff. And I agree about if there is no ex around etc. I’ve known of quite a few women who brought the man in their house relatively early. Kids met them etc.
A few examples, but one woman who she only had a one bed flat, so her and her child shared, so he would go around and obviously child was asleep as younger then. And they would do it. But I love the way she said it 🤦‍♀️😯🤦‍♀️🤣 that if the child were to wake then that would be it, game over kind of thing, how disgusting, in my opinion. She was obviously low because of previous relationship and how it ended. And again they like needy single mums.

And now since a few years ago she got moved to a two bed. So he nicely asked if his kids could go to her house for his contact time. As he only has a bedroom bless him. But this guy works for himself and busy working away 5/6 days a week full time, no child care responsibilities so I just don’t get it.

I appreciate everyone’s opinions. There is a little more to it than the info I’ve given but didn’t want to create a huge post.

however, he’s also in a job that requires extremely high level checks and if there was anything dodgy on file, he wouldn’t be in that job. However, I know that doesn’t prove everything but it is slightly reassuring.

hes always been very understanding about taking things slowly and never pressured me. Unfortunately he applied for this job before we met but because of his line of work and the long processes/checks that have to be carried out, it’s only now happening but it’s happening suddenly.

ive decided to tell him that im not ready for this next step yet. If hes the decent guy that I believe then he’ll be happy to make an effort to keep the relationship going once he moves away and if he doesn’t want to then I guess that tells me he’s not the one.

we’ll see I guess.

I met her kids and she met mine within a couple of weeks (he was working in the pub on first date!) - 2 week holiday all together within 9 months. It can work. Kids were fine, we were fine. No drama. No kids latched onto the other as a new parent!!