To contact him or not?

[ItsNotLoveActually]

Dating a guy on and off for a few years. Got back together last yr and recently went on a UK holiday, all was great.
FF 3 weeks - (we usually spend Sat night together if he's not working) I msg early in the day to say I'd cook and also a little chitchat about my day. No reply. I was already msg on and off to his DD so I asked if she'd heard from her DF. She said yes and they were msg right that minute. I asked her if she'd ask him if he was coming over and to tell him I'm cooking. She said she'd passed the msg on. Still nothing. I was worried. At 10pm he msg to say he'd been busy and had fallen asleep, soz, lol. I msg back to say 'glad you're ok but it was pretty shitty not to have msg me especially when he was able to msg his DD' (words to that effect).
He msg to say I was being daft and everything is ok. The next morning we exchanged the usual 'morning' but mine's been on unread for several days.
This is a guy who has said he loves me, we're soul mates etc. Now nothing!

Please give me a reality check and tell me not to msg him again. I feel the absolute bottom of the barrel in his priorities. I feel like he's 'punishing' me because I was annoyed with him. I don't want to play mind games, I quit!

He might not be 'punishing' you, he might just be pissed off.

@blacksax - an honest question - why would he be pissed off at me being justifiably (in my opinion) annoyed? What got me was that he was actively messaging someone else and ignoring me. That's odd. He had a health scare a couple of months ago and I was worried about him, which I asked about in one of my ignored messages. Soz, lol just doesn't cut it. I doubt anyone else would be happy with that response either.

If he wanted to see you or message you, he would. He’s just not that into you.

He has no right to be pissed off. You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s a prick. Throw this one back op.

He's playing games and you are being played. Been there before. Cut contact and move on love.

The answer to this question is almost always no.
In your case the answer is definitely no.
Why are you wasting your time and energy on this idiot?
He doesn’t love you, he probably doesn’t even like you beyond what he can get out of you when it suits him.
Sorry to be harsh but I’ve been in a similar situation and it won’t change, you’re missing out on someone who wants the same things as you, or just being on your own without the mindfuckery and self esteem bashing.
Block his number and move on.

I think as you say the dating has been on and off I suspect this is more casual than an exclusive relationship in his mind. Time to prepare for cuffing season

He’s behaving like a child and playing games. If there was a legitimate reason he’d just say “Hey, I’ve got a hectic week ahead so I’m sorry if I’m not as on top of messages as usual.” But he knows full well you can see your message is unread and is trying to send you a message with that instead if just saying he’s not feeling it anymore. Do not contact him, it will just erode your dignity.

Don't message him. If he is punishing you for being annoyed it's very childish, but very common behaviour IME.
Many men can't stand it when women get annoyed with them, because we're malfunctioning in our true purpose of being around to make their lives easier.
Many can't abide being challenged by women at all.

He isn't interested enough in you OP. Its as simple as that. He can take you or leave you and from the sound of it, he has been doing that for years hence the on and off dating pattern.

He isn't going to change until he finds someone he likes more than he likes you.

But while he's waiting for that person, you are going to change. You are going to become so worn down, let down and confused that when you meet someone worth being with, you won't be in a position to offerf them the best version of you.

Get rid of this man and give yourself a chance to find someone else or just a chance to have a peaceful, stress free life without this unnecessary angst.

On again, off again relationships mean it's not the right relationship for you. Two people who are into each other and without dealbreakers stick together to work on problems if there are any, instead of one or both treating the other like a yo-yo.

It's no wonder this pattern continues. Be alone for a good long while and don't date as a Band-Aid to your hurts. Work on your self-esteem, make a list of standards to stick to when you do eventually date, and then you'll be more prepared to date wisely. Take care.

Stop putting energy into this man, I used to do this with my ex and it doesn't end well.
Give him the energy he gives you!
He wants to disappear and be cold then you do the same and when he's wondering why tell him to look at himself

Still not heard anything. I've looked back over the messages and can't see anything amiss. What will be telling is my b'day which is v soon - I know he had some presents lined up - wonder if he'll contact me then. If not then I know it's really over. I know I shouldn't dwell on it but it's so odd. Even if he's seriously ill, why not just tell me for goodness sake. I just feel like the time we've spent together has just been one big lie, I don't mean anything. He'd probably say I'm over-reacting but I'm really not. Just 1 more week then he's really history.

That’s really crap.
Why were you dating on and off for a few years?
If it’s because he’s unreliable or a sulker, I’m afraid you have your answer 💐

'just one more week'

Why on earth are you giving him until your birthday when he's ignored you and your messages for days now? Just tell him it's over and stop torturing yourself. Treat yourself better and with more respect than he has. Don't lower yourself to waiting for him.

Dont give this man another week of your life. Decide for yourself whether this kind of behaviour is acceptable to you in a relationship or not.

never mind what he wants or whether he’s bought gifts. Is it good enough for you? I hope you realise it’s not remotely acceptable and not what should be happening.

Make plans for your birthday with friends or book somewhere as a treat. You’re too busy for him.

I think it is a bit inappropriate to go via his daughter to get him to give you an answer about plans tbh - I'd be annoyed if someone did that with my kid. He might have been messaging with her first because there was something more pressing, and either way, it puts her in the middle of things.

That said, his behaviour doesn't sound good in general and he should not be sulking/giving you the silent treatment, I agree with others that this is bringing angst and pain into your life that you would be far better off without.

Obviously, you're the one always at the end of the string, where he drops you like a yo-yo and decides when to reel you back up. And you allow that lousy treatment!

As the saying goes, look at who you're with and that's what you think of yourself.

Your man picker will always be broken as long as your self-esteem is severely lacking.

I agree with this. If he ignored your earlier message you should have assumed he wouldn't be coming over and made other plans accordingly. Don't bring his daughter into it, thats unnecessary.

Also you say that you were worried about his health which is why you were chasing him. If youre honest with yourself is that actually true? You know he was texting his daughter so he was alive.