Am I overthinking always being the one to organise social plans?

[Easylife1]

So I guess i’m having a pity party and i need someone to tell me to wise up 😂 i have realised that since the start of the year not one of my friends has asked me (or me & my hubby) to go out/do anything. I have invited/organised for several dinners out/bbq at ours/girls night out/activity afternoon/overnight stay. Now I’m wondering if its me or if I am taking it too personally and some people just don’t organise things? They don’t all necessarily come to whatever I suggest & some in our group chat don’t even reply yes or no. Am I overthinking this? I’m just getting a bit fed up being the one who suggests/organises and maybe I should just back off and not bother?

Is it others don’t generally make plans or they don’t make plans with you? As in are they capable of making plans with other people?

Thinking back, we had one person in our group who was the social secretary and joked about it. Now I think we were all a bit selfish to leave it to her, but she seemed happy, and I hope she would have spoke up otherwise.
So tell them how you feel. Maybe it was the lockdowns, but don't you find that a lot of friendships groups that were strong 7 years ago petered out? Or is it just stage of life, but it's definitely not just my friend groups that seem different.
You say people don't even reply-pretty sure 7 years ago this would have been seen as really rude and abnormal?

Yes they manage to make plans with other people (not the ones in our group chat) i guess they all have other friend/friend groups but I don’t? Is it that I need them more than they need me? I noticed it more on my birthday, I did get a few private happy birthdays but no suggestions of lunch/night out. On one hand I want to stop suggesting/organising things but on the other hand I’m worried I will never get out to socialise with anyone other than DH (which is not a bad thing btw!)

Yes I do think not replying is just rude! Or me having to chase them for an answer. I don’t want to say anything and come across as petty/throwing a tantrum? All their partners are friends with my DH (& even they manage to organise more than the girls for the boys nights!)

I would assume that yes, you need them more than they need you, either because they also socialise with other people or just because you have more need to socialise.

I'm experiencing this. It is very frustrating. And I'm rejection sensitive.
Perhaps it is a question of need. I do have a couple of very good friends but when I think of all the very many people on the planet, I do wonder why I don't have more (I have lots of acquaintances). I only have energy for people who make the effort really. I'm tired of pouring my energy into shallow connections and also being the sounding board. I am not this for my couple of good friends.
Don't know what the answer is apart from attempting to meet a lot of people and see if any of the acquaintances develop into friendship. Unfortunately a lot of relationships seem to depend on need and time availability.

I don’t go out every weekend, usually only once a month. Should I just accept that I need them more and get over it?

We had a planner in the group, when things went quiet with her we wouldn’t meet up and everyone would say ‘isn’t it a pity we haven’t seen each other’ but nobody would do anything.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing it too. I don’t know where to start with making friends as I don’t have a lot of acquaintances- i’ve known most of my friends for 15-20 years. I would like to make more friends but I already go to the gym and although they people in my class are friendly its just small talk before class. I play a team sport and meet up occasionally with a few from there but the sport is really the only thing most of us have in common and a lot have young children so we’re not really on the same social scene

Did your group just disappear? Do you meet uo at all now?

I'm terrible at organising things, and also shy/scared it'll be a flop, so I have to admit I never organise anything. I'm so grateful to my friends that do though. I'm wondering if your friends just assumed you were happy doing it, and just aren't good at organising things themselves.

They may have no idea you feel resentful that it always falls on you. Not saying that's OK, but just that maybe it's down to wrong assumptions rather than anything more sinister.

That could be it but we’ve all known each other for so long and is it really that hard to say ‘anyone fancy a drink at the local’?

Easylife1

She got back organising and we all started meeting up again! It sounds strange but it just happened that way I suppose- I guess/ suppose/ hope we’d have met up again (?!)

I used to be the planner but more than making a conscious decision to stop planning I got too busy with other things and at the same time became less bothered about who plans what So maybe the key is to not necessarily find other meaningful friendships but find other meaningful things to fill your life and the social thing may improve naturally

I find this too , we host parties and bbqs but find nobody else does . The same people always come to things we organise but we don’t get invited back because I think nobody else wants the hassle of the prep and cleanup of a large party , it does take time to clean the house and prepare and buy food then the cleaning afterwards . There’s only my daughter who would do this but she doesn’t have space at the moment , I know she’d love to entertain if she had the chance .
In this climate it does cost a lot and to be honest I don’t think people want the expense.
perhaps take time off and see if anyone else jumps in to organise something, maybe they don’t want as much entertainment as you or are happy to leave it to you

I completely gave up on a group of friends like this - I got totally burnt out by being the social secretary for a group of people that either didn’t reply or were happy I did it but never reciprocated.

I had a sudden realisation that they just didn’t care about me really (after I asked for some support and no-one at all responded). I also realised that were was a “side-chat” that I wasn’t part of. It all felt too “school playground” for me and I have neither the time, inclination or energy for that!!

I actually just started planning stuff for myself and going to craft/creative hobby groups … where I’ve incidentally met some lovely people and have a very healthy social life again.

I am MUCH happier and content/confident without constantly worrying about it all!

I also feel this way. However I like being sociable and seeing people and it helps to fill my cup. Yes it makes me sad that other people don't make any effort, but I'd rather organise and see the people I care about. People are just wrapped up in their own lives, especially those with little kids, elderly parents, intense jobs etc.

It's lovely to get spontaneous invitations but only because it satisfies that insecure part of you that you are liked, popular etc. I try not to let self doubt influence me from making social plans.

Definitely think people have become very insular post covid. Smaller networks. Less care taken with keeping up friendships. Even with family members.

But people are also feeling the effects of the financial crisis we’ve been in for a while. Everything costs so much. Going for drinks at a bar in town with some female friends used to be easy and I wouldn’t think twice about accepting an invite to that sort of thing, now I have to consider if I have the £60 that it’ll probably end up costing what with everything else I’m paying out for.
A lot of my friends are working longer hours than we used to as well, which means they are tired and can’t be bothered to do anything by the weekend.

Been there myself OP. People you thought were friends (even if not that close) would not initiate or reply in the chats. So you learn they are "just not that into you" and cant be bothered. I just go silent myself and let it all dissipate.

Ideally you will find new friendships but it's so bloody hard. I've tried through hobbies/similar interests but even that usually is a dead end. I think for many is either through work or school gates.