I’m posting because I think I need some reassurance and to hear from women who have been in a similar position.
I’m 35 and divorced. I was with my ex-husband for 15 years, and unfortunately he had an affair while we were going through fertility treatment. I have PCOS, so fertility has always been something I’ve worried about, and going through treatment only to have my marriage end has been incredibly painful.
I’ve since unexpectedly met someone new and things are going really well. I’ve known him loosely for 4 years and we’ve been dating for 8 months. I’m very happy and I absolutely don’t want to rush something that is still relatively new just because I’m frightened about my biological clock.
But equally, I’m increasingly conscious that I’m 35 now, I already have fertility issues, and I’ve always wanted to have one child. I’m scared that by taking the time to build a healthy relationship and not rushing into having a baby, I’ll somehow miss my chance.
The thing I’m struggling with is that it feels like we don’t actually have that much time if having a child is something we both want. We’d need to properly merge our lives, live together (I’m currently still in my marital home on my own waiting for it to sell), get to know each other in that context and build a solid foundation — and realistically, if we do have a child, it’s quite likely to involve IVF. I don’t want to turn what should be a happy new relationship into a ticking-clock exercise, but I also can’t ignore that time is a factor for me.
I also worry about what people around me will think. My family, friends and people at work know what happened with my marriage, and I’m scared that if I did have a baby with my new partner relatively soon, people would think I’d rushed into it or that I was making a huge mistake. I don’t want to make life decisions based on what other people might say, but I’d be lying if I said that judgement doesn’t worry me.
I’ve looked into freezing my eggs as a possible way of buying myself a bit of time, but I’m not sure I could afford it, and I don’t know how worthwhile it would be in my situation.
I think part of what I’m struggling with most is feeling like my ex has stolen something from me. I spent 15 years with someone I thought I would have a family with, and now I’m starting again at 35 when I never expected to be in this position.
I know there are no guarantees, but I’d really love to hear some positive stories from women who met their partner in their mid/late 30s, had children after 35, had fertility issues/PCOS, or simply thought they had run out of time and things worked out.
I’d especially love to hear from anyone who had a baby with a new partner after a relatively short relationship and it wasn’t a disaster — or anyone who worried they were “rushing” but ultimately knew it was right for them.
Please tell me your hopeful stories. I could really do with some hope that my life hasn’t gone to plan, but that doesn’t mean I’ve missed my chance. ❤️