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Relationships

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Is it inappropriate to ask someone out at work? Or is he just not into me

5 replies

EssieTheFirst · 27/08/2026 21:56

I met someone at work a number of years back. We do not work for the same company but attend the same meetings on some topics. I asked him for some help and he went above and beyond to get me information. There was nothing in it for him at all but it helped me hugely. The project was over after a few weeks and that was that. We'd only ever talked about work things and I presumed that although I liked him, it mustn’t be reciprocated.

Since then I’ve attended a few other meetings with him and others. Some online and some in person. He smiles and makes a beeline for me. He comes over after the meeting and asks me how work is going etc..

One time I said I was hoping to finish early that day to watch my child play in a match at school and he came back to me with an updated afternoon agenda, showing I wouldn't be missing anything if Ieft.

I think there’s a spark between us. I really like him. He lives in another part of the country. BUT he has never asked me out! The last time I saw him he spoke to a few of us when the meeting finished, saying he’d love to go for a pint after the gruelling questions he had faced but he couldn’t drink as he had to drive home. No one answered possibly because they don’t really know him. I was rushing off to something so kept quiet but later wondered if I should have suggested a coffee instead.

The rational part of me is saying that he mustn’t be interested as he has never asked me out. I emailed him a while back about work- and he replied perfectly professionally and in a friendly manner but that was that. In the email I made it clear I’m working on a project in his area but he didn’t suggest meeting or keep the conversation going.

The thing is neither of us actually knows if the other is single. We meet in professional settings and don’t chat about home lives. Also we both work for professional organisations - it’s not appropriate to ask someone out in that setting really.

i also believe if a man is interested he’d let you know. Should I move on? Why does he come over to talk to me and no one else? Perhaps he is scared to ask me out as it really is frowned upon in the big firms although we don’t work for the same employer. Have a feeling this situation could just roll and roll on and it’s driving me insane. Is he not interested or is he too worried about asking someone out at work? I can see we have a 2 week project coming up, with others in the meetings too, and would love some advice

OP posts:
Lmnop22 · 27/08/2026 22:02

Not sure there’s any evidence of flirting from him in anything you’ve written - just being friendly and maybe making a beeline to a friendly face in a room full of strangers?

I think you might need to be a bit more overt about your attraction to him to judge how he responds and if he’s interested.

igglepiggll · 27/08/2026 22:12

Typically when a guy is interested he will ask you.

AbacusCat · 27/08/2026 22:17

He lives in another part of the country. BUT he has never asked me out!

He might not be interested in a long-distance relationship.

I tend to agree with you that if a man is interested, he will ask you out.

PurpleParent · 27/08/2026 22:19

Maybe test the water a little when you’re next working together, ie ‘any plans for the weekend?’ If it’s a Friday you see him, or ‘good weekend?’ If it’s a Monday. If people are in relationships they’ll tend to talk about their partner / family then. Depending on the vibe to those answers you could try a casual suggestion to a few of the project team about grabbing lunch together? Hard to say but it does sound like there might be something worth exploring

Uncontroversialusername · 27/08/2026 22:25

He knows you've a child so maybe assumes you're married. Or maybe he's not interested in a relationship with someone with a child. Or maybe he just doesn't fancy you, sorry.

Next time you meet can't you just make general chit chat without asking directly? Ask him if he's been on holiday since you last saw him etc. Drop in that you did x activity while your kid was at their dad's. Then see how the conversation goes from there.

Edit: What @PurpleParent said above, I was typing when they posted.

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