Resenting partner for leaving all the house jobs to me

[Mancity08]

Ive been looking around on Facebook for local decorator, I could do it but am refusing too
Reason being do is not good at diy(he will admit himself) it’s me that will say , you could do that
Sometimes he will have a go with me but it’s always me that carry’s it on, he will walk off and pretend to do something.
He’s never been any different (24yr together) I don’t think he like his hands being dirty (a thing he’s got)

Anyway today I got reply back from decorator I found for a quote, told him how much and the starting date. I practically got a oh out of him , then he got up and walked upstairs.
Not even mentioned again 😡
Im sick to death of carrying the mental & sometimes physical load, whilst he just either sits there or voices he opinion and then leaves it open - end off
This has happened so so many times with us on different things to do with the house.
I was looking yesterday for something we needed and mentioned I couldn’t find it, he said
you need …. In the end I said you look for it for once. He did for about 15 mins , measured for size and that was it - the end
Think it was ? because I mentioned the cooker needed to be heightened to level it - and he couldn’t be arsed in case it turned into an argument or having words -
He wants peace and quiet no hassles (im late 60’s he 71)
Im starting to resent him and pissed off , I do tge work, he reaps the benefits

anyone else’s husband/partner like this ??
Do I just go ahead and have it done and then ask for money ?
what would you do ? Don’t say LTB please

My husband is useless at DIY, wouldn't know a wrench from a screwdriver (no joke). Meanwhile, I'm rewiring the kitchen and doing plumbing jobs.

Thankfully he's useful at other things and has now mostly taken over the majority of the cooking and doing the laundry.

I think if your husband is useful in other ways then concentrate on that. If he's a total useless bum then stop doing anything for him. Just do your own thing, get things organised and take yourself out for the day as a reward.

I'm not sure why you'd ask for money. Do you have access to money? If not, why not? If not you've left yourself stupidly vulnerable as you head into old age.

Should of said
Anything we have done or buy for the house we go 50/50

Id never be left in a vulnerable position and dependent on a man .
Ex husband up and left me with a 4 yr old !
Hence never getting married again

do what you need and ask for money, preferably in advance. But he should pay more as you have done all the legwork, he just reaps the benefits.

At your ages, and we are 65/66 and have been together for 37 years, you accept it or you don't.

DH was crystal clear he didn't do any of that stuff or cook or clean. All fine, I do the bits I like doing, he pays for everything else to be done. He wouldn't even try. He does the bins and the outside paintwork.

He focused on making money. If he hadn't made loads, I guess it might have pissed me off more. Today I've supervised the gardener, met with the chap whondoes the autumnal lopping and the tree surgeon; and dropped off his dry cleaning :).

My mother some how thought my father would become magically domesticated once he retired (at 72). He’d never lived alone - he went from boarding school to lodging with a landlady (this is back in the 50s when they cooked your meals etc) to marriage. He could just about boil an egg. He didn’t do diy though he was a very good designer of furniture, but don’t ask him to wield a hammer! My mother always handled the finances and getting repairs done. Though she worked when younger after her third child she stopped and ran the house. So why she thought he’d change and start doing laundry and cooking I have no idea. That was her purview and his responsibility had been earning the money. When he retired he wanted to travel, read, write and look at art. He wasn’t going to start doing the washing up. I understood her frustration but that’s the way it was (he only lived til 79 too).
I don’t think your DH is going to change
after 24 years. You either accept it or move on.

I think after 24 years the chances of him changing are slim to none. Have you ever spoken about it? My DH is shit at DIY, but I’ll happily do the decorating or look up YouTube or whatever if something needs fixed. He absolutely pulls his weight in other ways though. The mental load falls on me a lot, he doesn’t notice half the stuff that needs doing, but he is aware of that and is trying harder, while I acknowledge that I’m a bit of a perfectionist about some things and so I sometimes get annoyed about him not noticing something unreasonably.

If there's something you want done, don't bother talking to him because it is a total waste of your time and it just infuriates you.

So maybe just arrange it anyway, and present him with a fait accompli.

He doesn’t like doing DIY and never has

Like loads of us 🤷‍♀️

He’s never been any different (24yr together)

so he didn’t lead you up the garden path

He focused on making money. If he hadn't made loads, I guess it might have pissed me off more

Just a touch relevant Op.

He doesn’t like diy
Happy to pay for it
what’s the big deal?

If see things that I think need doing/cleaning that he must but obviously he doesn’t. and I need to except this at my age

cars & bikes are his thing
If they needed anything he’d be right on the case straight away- done & dusted

just don’t understand how he can come to a decision on one thing and can’t on anything House wise .
He will go food shopping (but not big shop, rather go daily)
hoovers , does washing , dustbins and cuts grass & hedge .

Im just going to do it , if he says you never told or discussed it with me - well …

Op you have been posting about how much you basically hate your partner multiple times.

So leave him? Although… he earned loads you say? And you’re not married? That was a mistake!

YABU. Nobody should have to do DIY. I'd rather have someone who admitted that they were poor at it than insist on doing it and making a mess of it. I don't understand this mentality that men need to be able to do DIY, it seems sexist to me.

Is the issue that when it comes to stuff he's interested in, cars and bikes etc, he's interested in getting it sorted and proactive, but when its shared household stuff, he just leaves it all to you to sort? Because thats not okay. Its okay for him to not be interested in DIY but its not okay for him to just sort of ignore that things need to be done because you'll sort it.

Aboutlola
when have I ever said “ I hate him “
Also never ever mentioned “ he earns loads “
and the only thing you probably have got right is “ No were not married “ and no it’s not a big mistake as I’d never want to have to depend on any man

Thundertoast
Is the issue that when it comes to stuff he's interested in, cars and bikes etc, he's interested in getting it sorted and proactive, but when its shared household stuff, he just leaves it all to you to sort? Because thats not okay. Its okay for him to not be interested in DIY but its not okay for him to just sort of ignore that things need to be done because you'll sort it.

yes exactly this