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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I cope with this?

1 reply

Summerluvin1 · 27/08/2026 12:34

I posted here a couple of weeks ago about my 22 year relationship ending as i caught my OH messaging another girl behind my back, met up for a walk, coffee etc, nothing physical happened but very much an emotional affair as he stated he felt a connection with her and felt something for her in the 3 weeks he had been talking to her. I threw him out and he never fought for me. We've since spoken face to face and had a cry and even a cuddle and both acknowledged that our relationship was not perfect, and that we weren't unhappy, yet not happy but quite content with how we were plodding along. Until he did this which 'awoke' feelings he hadn't felt in a while. Its been very hard these last two weeks, the children thank god have coped very well due to how amicable we have been and talking nicely, no rowing in front of them etc so thats the only blessing. But i am struggling. I miss him, the companionship, I feel so lonely despite having the most fantastic support network (thank god). I dont want to feel like this anymore. What also bothers me too, is that he goes to work, comes to our house after work to see the children for a few hours (absolutely his right) and we chit chat for the sake of the kids and then he goes back to his mums....but it feels like hes got away with murder? Like no real consequences to his actions, I've behaved bloody amazingly, he gets to come over and see us and bugger off and get his dinners cooked by his mum. My friends say that hes basically not got used to the idea of not being with me as atm he still sees me and talks to me and that he needs to know what its like to not be with me? What do you all think? As I sit at home lonely whilst he has the kids at his mums, so he still hasn't been on his own yet and understood how bloody awful it is! Which makes it feel very unfair.

OP posts:
Pearlstillsinging · 27/08/2026 12:54

Is he still seeing the OW?
If not, would you like to try again? If you think you might, you could suggest relationship counselling. But I would leave him at his mum's until you are sure things are back on track.
Obviously if he is still seeing her, that's a different matter and all you can do is hold your head high and move on. Don't worry about the 'fairness' of it, just make sure that you are doing the best for you.

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