Struggling with Breakup and healing

[DazedandconfusedParent]

At the start of june my partner split up with me, and despite a lot of reflection, understanding, and therapy im still stuck with this person in my head. They are there when I wake up, when I go to sleep and in the quiet moments throughout the day.

This was a 7 month relationship, about a year after my divorce from a toxic 15 yr marriage. I thought i had found my person, but it turns out my ex partner was still struggling through thier own issues, a divorce (seperated for 2 years), co parenting, redundancy and life stress. Overwhelm and lack of capacity seemed to be the reasons for ending, but we both admitted we love each other.

There where no lies, no BS - it was literally the greatest feeling to have someone warm, affectionate, thoughtful and caring after such a torrid time in a bad marriage. I thought I was healed but im struggling.

I know it's cliche, but time is a healer, step by step, one day at a time. Break ups are part of life and most people go through them at some stage. It's not a pleasant experience but we do survive them. Try not to take it personally. Keep doing the right things, you will find happiness again.

Oh god the first after your divorce is ALWAYS a killer. I think it can hurt more than the divorce. It isn’t really that the man of your dreams got away it’s that everything reawakened - all the happy feelings, all the excitement, sexual attraction then the crushing feelings of ‘it’s happened again’

Then it’s hard for your brain to not switch back to that comforting feeling of the man that picked you up after you were down.

You are not broken or worthless - it just wasn’t meant to be at this point of time.

You ABSOLUTELY will let go of him if you train your brain to understand that - you’re still putting yourself back together after a toxic marriage and it’s understandable you feel like this. The man you met could have been ANYONE. He isnt Mr Perfect your brain is telling you he is.

Forget men at the moment and go on a genuine self discovery of who you are now and what you want in life.

After my first partner went down the pan after my divorce I took 2 years out of dating, had 2 years of therapy and spent a lot of time getting to love myself again - I mean genuinely loving to the point I didn’t want to date as I was really happy by myself.

Then my partner of 2 years walked in to my life.

Honestly- I’ve been where you are, work hard on yourself now - focus on that