I’m Spiralling after messy break up
I came out last year as a lesbian when I met my now ex girlfriend. For context I am in my 30s and bent ex is in her 40s.
We broke up after 18 months ultimately because she was sexting an ex for weeks in secret. When I found out she minimised it ect. We briefly got back together and she did it again with a different ex. We have been broken up a month for good now. I’m generally happier and know I made the right decision but I am having a hard day.
This is my first time having to have contact with my ex and her friends due to the small lesbian community where I live. I’ve never been able to date women as this was my first relationship. I want to go to lesbian events and make friends ect now I am single. So I will run into my ex and her friends. This is causing me a lot of stress.
There was one friend in particular who I felt might have had a crush on me during my relationship but I set boundaries and kept my distance from her.
The friend of my exes has drifted from her over the last few months. We have ran into each other a couple of times by ourselves (once before the final break up and once after the break up). The time before the second break up we spend lots of time together the second was just at a club where we were both with our own friends. We have kind of become friends but I’m not sure as it all feels a bit weird to me.
Since the time when we spend that time one on one I felt a crush developing on this friend.
At the club (days after the break up) I got really drunk and made out with someone in front of this friend, was laughing and joking with friends and touched this friends arms in a sort of stroking way.
I can’t remember what her reaction was. I sent a check in text the next day saying I hope she had a good night and that I was a bit drunk so hoped I wasn’t too annoying. She said I wasn’t and that she hoped I had a good night and that she had a good night. It was friendly but light and she didn’t extend the conversation.
I’m mortified as I’m worried she thinks I’m unstable and messy now and will be put off me. I know I’m not ready for anything serious right now but was hoping to develop a friendship with her and then see where it went in time. But now I worried it’s ruined. I’m devastated. Can anyone give any perspective or advice of how I handle this going forward? Will she likely have got the ick?