Friendships.
I'm in the process of being diagnosed with a possible neurodivergence.
I had a difficult time at secondary school and longed for a best friend that never really happened.
I don't know how to manage friendships for fear of being too much/not enough.
I have one good friend whom I tend to flood. I cry, talk about my dc, how life is for me. Another who is older and I garner wise advice and they are good company as I seem to be to them. They are interesting but not socially active. Usually respond to messages.
Another friendship, I am gradually building up. Not sure how this is going to work out but I'm hopeful currently.
There are other people I've tried to get to know had interesting conversations with in an interest group I attend but don't keep in touch in between meeting times. I have a real problem with this and feel frustrated that they don't reach out in between times. To me, they are not good friends or not interested in developing our friendship. I want to feel I can message someone and they can message me when they need to or preferably want to. To be able to say, this is not a good time to talk. I'll get back to you later. This is probably expecting too much. I want it to be a two way thing and get frustrated when I am the one to reach out. My newest potential friend seems much better at this.
I know life gets in the way with work, family etc. It's different for me, I've retired early due to health issues and I have more time on my hands. Probably expecting far more from friends than when I was working and occupied.
I do not have a good relationship with my husband and this probably makes me feel lonelier than ever. I have my reasons why I cannot leave this relationship.
I feel I need friends more than ever and have been guilty in not properly investing in them especially when working and with husband. I think there is a real anxiety around trusting people and reaching out and I've felt the need to keep safe.
Building up a friendship group feels difficult (I am in my 50's). When you have a partner especially one that lives with you, it is easy to take this for granted.
I need to return to therapy to keep working on me. I guess I really need and long for friends and connection but deep connection. This isn't always going to happen or be possible.
Most of my life, I feel I have spent masking/people pleasing and I'm not comfortable with conflict.
I have 3 dc who are not yet adults. I am hoping for more adult conversation as they grow.
I need to get out more and make my world bigger and have more structure to my week. None of it feels easy.
Such a difficult world to navigate.
Feeling lonely and like nothing is ever enough in spite of having 5 people in my life whom I care for.
Please tell me about your friendships and how they work. Especially if you don't work and live on your own with no significant other.