I have been with my husband (apart now since April) for 32 years. We have split up so many times I’ve lost count. We’ve lived apart for a year or two at a time. Yet I always reach out and we end up back together - and it never works out.We have two adult children who live at home.
if you wrote a long list of everything you would not stand for in a marriage, he has done them all…. and some.
He is ten years my senior. He had an accident last summer, I cared for him and he recovered and returned to work. He retired at Christmas, having worked away for the past three years and immediately had a second accident. Again I cared for him as any wife would. It has left him with poor mobility, and in addition, he was diagnosed with very early stage emphysema. On the other hand I am fit and healthy - for which I am very grateful.
Financially things are bad. We almost lost our home in 2023, due to his bankruptcy and are still paying off debts. Our lovely home was once mortgage free thanks to my mum’s inheritance, now all eaten up by debts.
Our entire lives I have been careful with money. No facials, treatments, fancy clothes etc. I don’t smoke or drink and barely socialised - by choice. This August, I rashly went on holiday to Greece, alone. I had not holidayed abroad for eight years due to debt. It’s hard to describe how incredible that week was, but every day he was in my thoughts and I cried.
He is living with his sister currently and has recently spent yet another ten days in hospital. We have had no contact since April. I only found this out two days ago.
I have tried absolutely everything to forget him, stop loving him but I can’t. I love him with all my heart and always will. I know he doesn’t deserve this. Before I found out about his accident I had started to imagine getting my life back on track and making up for the lost years, but this latest ill health news has knocked me sideways and the guilt is too much.
Where do I go from here? Can you ever walk away from someone you love so deeply?