How can I tell my partner I do not want more overnight stays?

[MonkeyChopsUser]

I’m not really sure what I’m asking here, but I’m male and mid 50s ( not that I think that matters ), my G/F is also mid 50s and a bit overweight ( her own words), generally we get along great- same outlook in life, we like the same things think the same way etc, we have been together for about 10 months now.
we tend to stay over at each other’s homes once or twice a week which works well for me- she wants us to spend more nights together- but she snores like mad , I generally don’t sleep much when we spend the night together and I have lots of early starts so often feel knackered by the early afternoons
I don’t want to upset her by saying that I don’t more overnight stays- but frankly I don’t.

This 👏

@mumof2teentoddler but what would you do if your partner’s snoring kept you awake, despite ear plugs, white noise etc? If it literally kept you away all night. Every night. So you became ill, unable to work, not safe to drive. What would you do? Would you still think that sleeping in separate beds would be baffling?

Me personally yes I would find a way, I would not choose sleeping separately just because of snoring 🙄
much much more to this story anyway
And no one has mentioned 10 min sleep bursts so it’s really ridiculous

The OP hasn’t said ANY of this?! So I’ve responded to the information from the OP not your detail?
OP has also stated ‘ they generally get on ‘
’ generally sleep well ‘
and even says they aren’t sure why they are posting?!
neither was I

I’m going to really blow your mind then. I had a relative whose wife divorced him because of his snoring. He would not do anything about it and was not understanding why she wanted to sleep separately.

Oh as IF that was the reason?! And you believed it was the snoring!
this post must be fake

Absolutely not fake. She couldn’t sleep and he didn’t care. Second marriage for both. Her wellbeing just didn’t matter to him.

@mumof2teentoddler

I really like him, too but he was selfish and childlike in many ways. Highly intelligent, though.

I knew her best friend very well and that’s who told me the reason. I was a teen and was shocked but as an adult I understand it completely.

Exactly other reasons
that makes no sense

@mumof2teentoddler I was under the impression that your posts referred to reactions to snoring in general, not just the OP. You actually said if was baffling that anyone would avoid sharing a bed with their partner “just because of snoring”.

When I sleep with my partner, he snores all night. It starts soon after he falls asleep. It wakes me up, I nudge him and he stops. I then go back to sleep. About 10 minutes later he starts snoring again and it wakes me up. I nudge him and he stops. I then go back to sleep. About 10 minutes later he starts snoring again and it wakes me up……

Are you getting the picture. And ear plugs, white noise, nose strips, weight loss etc made no difference. He snores. It’s his anatomy, and there’s no treatment for it. I can’t exist on no sleep, so we don’t share a bed any more.

Is that baffling to you?

Absolutely baffling…and bizarre 🤔

Well you’re obviously not sleep deprived like the OP and many other posters then are you?

I almost admire your absolute refusal to see the point of view of anyone else tbh. Reminds me of one of my kids when he was a toddler ❤️.

So if you were the one keeping someone else from sleep you’d just crack on, I guess. I couldn’t do this to another person night after night.

@mumof2teentoddler I think you’re just being deliberately obtuse now. You’ve clearly never experienced the kind of snoring that keeps you awake. And you also have a phenomenal inability to imagine a situation that isn’t identical to your own!!

I just have a very different opinion that is all

I mean if my husband wanted me to then yes of course it’s called communication something the OP is lacking, would rather make a post to strangers on a subject slagging off a women and mentioning her weight when there’s definitely more to it then just snoring

The hypocrisy 😂
Thank you for making me laugh first thing

Exactly!

@mumof2teentoddler no it’s not just a difference of opinion. You talk as if it is utterly and completely bizarre for anyone to consider not sharing a bed with their partner , despite partner potentially preventing them sleeping. It’s quite interesting to read your posts because I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with such an inability to consider how others might feel. Anyway, I assume you have a toddler, which means you’re presumably younger than 50. Let’s see how things change once those years arrive…..

What an assumption I mean I’m 44 and my husbands 50, so I’m hardly a younger person, I’m sleep deprived, have been for years and my husband snores we just choose not to sleep separately! And yes that is my opinion and I’m sorry for people that can’t respect others have opinions and choose to sleep separately- that’s just not for us. You seem quiet sensitive in your posts and extremely defensive
Hope you are ok

@BerryTwister and @PuttingOnAyres We are dealing here with someone who recently (in the last month?) wrote that she sleeps well at night.

I remember your post @mumof2teentoddler because it was hidden then unhidden and that happened to me around the same time, you must have used a word that automatically hid your post, like I did.

So it’s been lovely chatting @mumof2teentoddler but you’re not here in good faith.

Why would she know. And it isn't always possible to do anything about snoring.
OP just tell her the truth if you don't want to be honest about the snoring say you don't sleep well when you are together and it is affecting your work.
But long term where do you see this relationship going? You don't sound particularly committed to her. I'm not sure why you mentioned her weight.

She knows, she jokes about it. She’s aware it causes him problems sleeping.

Excess Weight can cause snoring.

Unreceptive to another perspective comes to mind so leaving this one here 😆

For two posters who are argumentative and have been reported to Mumsnet twice for inappropriate comments really does explain

Over and out

Sleep deprivation is a torture method!