How can I tell my partner I do not want more overnight stays?

[MonkeyChopsUser]

I’m not really sure what I’m asking here, but I’m male and mid 50s ( not that I think that matters ), my G/F is also mid 50s and a bit overweight ( her own words), generally we get along great- same outlook in life, we like the same things think the same way etc, we have been together for about 10 months now.
we tend to stay over at each other’s homes once or twice a week which works well for me- she wants us to spend more nights together- but she snores like mad , I generally don’t sleep much when we spend the night together and I have lots of early starts so often feel knackered by the early afternoons
I don’t want to upset her by saying that I don’t more overnight stays- but frankly I don’t.

Have you spoken about the future? Like where is this relationship "going"?

Surely she knows she snores though? I can't be doing with snoring so I'd have no qualms in telling her exactly why I didn't want to spend more nights with her. There are things she can do about the snoring, if she's willing.

Have you told her she snores? To be honest, as a mid fifties man, you may well snore yourself. Maybe there is another bedroom in the house , that you can move to, if the snoring starts?!

Just be honest and say you don’t sleep well and if she asks why, mention the snoring. Best to be honest about it.

"I dont get enough sleep when we're together and I don't think I'd cope staying over more."

Be honest (with yourself) though - is it really only the snoring? If she magically didn't snore, would you want to spend more nights together? If so, that could be solvable, eg, sleep in different rooms (if possible).

Many of my friends ( in our 50s) have separate bedrooms because of snoring and I sometimes decamp to out spare room if DH has had too much alcohol as that makes his snoring noisy!

If it’s purely the snoring that is an issue and using another bedroom could be an option, then maybe it’s something to discuss in that context. As in “I love you but I need to get enough sleep. Staying over more often would work if there’s a separate bedroom I can decamp to.”

Do you think her being overweight is contributing to her snoring, is that what you’re getting at? Otherwise why mention it? I
think you just have to be tactfully honest with her here.

Just tell her. Or buy some earplugs.

Slim people snore too but agree it can sometimes contribute. You need to discuss this as will definitely have an affect on future plans if there are any. Just explain it like you have on here. Ask if she realises that she snores? She may not even know. Loads of couples sleep separately because of this. Its very common and very disruptive to sleep-I know how you feel from past experience. Sometimes its even difficult if they aren't in the same room if its really loud! You have my sympathy.

Dont be so daft. Tell her that her snoring is stopping you sleeping.
Better to tell her that than have her think you just dont want her around because you're not then interested.

Why is the first thing you say about your GF the fact she is overweight?

If you can’t communicate with each other then this is going nowhere. What’s stopping you from just saying what you’ve put in your post? Not the overweight part, that doesn’t make you come across well.

well I assume because this can have an effect on snoring. But snoring can also be quite dangerous and have a bad effect on your health so it's probably better to tell her about it and advise she goes to the GP
And Im of a similar age and NEED my sleep these days!

Sure but the OP certainly doesn't sound that keen on his girlfriend. He doesn't sound that invested in the relationship, he says nothing about whether it's in any way important to him, other than that they 'get on well', and doesn't seem to be considering separate rooms/other ways around the snoring problem, but has gone straight to the nuclear option of wanting to tell his girlfriend he doesn't want her to stay over any more. Which will probably end the relationship, as she wants more nights together, not fewer.

She might now know and something alike a mouthguard could work (obvs best to see a specialist to rule out OAS, nasal polyps etc). It isn’t always weight related.

Ultimately, do you want to see her more if she wasn’t snoring?

Just tell her she snores and it drives you mad. Be honest.

If she's looking for more overnights then she needs to hear what's putting you off Op. She may be offended but better you tell her the truth than let her think you've gone off her

Just be honest it’s far more hurtful to let her think you just don’t want to spend time with her. I’ve slept in my own bedroom for years now. I value my sleep!

if you are comfortable enough with her to shag and for her to see you naked then you should be able to tell her she snores!

Sounds like you are preparing to end it. No reason to mention weight otherwise. My hubby snores doesn’t change how I feel just bought better earplugs

My dp snores a little. My dsis, however snores like a trucker. I could not share a bed/room with her, ever!!!

Weight and snoring can be connected

I think if someone has taken the time to post on a forum about this issue then they do care about the situation so it's unfair of other posters to say they are planning on ending the relationship. The OP has been quite enthusiastic about their relationship and he mentioned his partner being overweight presumably because it is directly linked to snoring.

Snoring is the worst - I definitely couldn't cope with really loud consistent snoring. I bought loop ear plugs because my partner sometimes snores lightly. They do help but when people snore too loud then ear plugs don't cut it.

OP you have to tell her that it's difficult for you to sleep properly with her snoring and then she should do something about it or you work out a solution together.

Oh come on! It wasn’t the first thing but it’s completely relevant. Stop trying to cause a problem.

But there are numerous obvious solutions (earplugs, separate rooms etc) that don't involve saying 'I don't want to spend the night with you ever again'. The fact that the OP seems not to even be considering any of these suggests a lack of investment.