How can I tell my partner I do not want more overnight stays?

[MonkeyChopsUser]

I’m not really sure what I’m asking here, but I’m male and mid 50s ( not that I think that matters ), my G/F is also mid 50s and a bit overweight ( her own words), generally we get along great- same outlook in life, we like the same things think the same way etc, we have been together for about 10 months now.
we tend to stay over at each other’s homes once or twice a week which works well for me- she wants us to spend more nights together- but she snores like mad , I generally don’t sleep much when we spend the night together and I have lots of early starts so often feel knackered by the early afternoons
I don’t want to upset her by saying that I don’t more overnight stays- but frankly I don’t.

Try wearing a snooze band playing white noise over the top of your earplugs. It’s the only way I can sleep next to a bad snorer. Best thing I ever bought!

Earplugs.
Alpine Sleep Deep. Get them on Amazon.
Gamechanger.

I snore and it had a very negative affect on my first marriage. Thankfully my new DH also snores and we don't wake each other up.

You have to have a proper chat because if you don't, she's going to think you've gone off her. And if it is sleep apnoea, you're doing her a favour.

Did you actually read my initial post?
im not thinking of stopping sleeping together- simply not increasing the current amount

Why is this even a question? I mean my husband snores but I would never want to not sleep in the same bed as him, I know people say they sleep separate but I wouldn’t want that, so that’s makes me question is more of you can’t be that keen on this women, maybe it’s more kind to end it rather than let her think you enjoy the current set up when she is wanting more

There is snoring, and there is ‘snoring’. Just because your DH snores at a tolerable volume doesn’t mean everyone does. If you haven’t experienced it first hand then you’re not going to understand really. I have experienced it, and I have a friend who looked dreadful because her husband refused to do anything about it, including lose weight or see a GP. She used to fall asleep in the daytime at peoples houses because she was so sleep deprived.

It’s nothing to do with this guy being not keen on her, it’s more ‘am I safe to drive’, ‘is this sleep deprivation doing me harm’ and so on.

In fairness to @Gloriia OP, I think she just wants to gauge how you feel about the relationship in general, as this hasn't been clear from your posts. A snorer who you're head over heels about is a different prospect to one you only feel luke warm about

Earplugs are the way forward

@mumof2teentoddler do you know anything about sleep deprivation? It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, if they’re waking you up every 10 minutes, it’s not an enjoyable experience.

Because she probably is and being fat makes snoring worse?

You just say what’s true.
“I’d be open to more overnights if I slept better. As it is now, I do not sleep well when we are together and that leaves me unable to function during the day.”

If she doesn’t care that her snoring keeps you awake, I would think about ending it. Sleep is a basic need.

I snore, and am doing something about it. It’s not just about weight but also can be how our muscles change as we age. I don’t snore if I sleep on my side. It’s an effort because side sleeping was causing me some shoulder problems, so I began sleeping on my back. I’ve only recently learned that this was the reason for my snoring. I’ve figured out a way to sleep on my side that doesn’t cause other issues. Alcohol and diet contribute, also.

My late husband, and now my distance partner (who stays every week or two) snored.

Macks silicone ear plugs from Amazon, work for me 👍

Do I know anything about sleep deprivation? Yes! I’ve had two children and completely aware of sleep deprivation and what it can do….but my opinion is still the same

@NoCommentingFromNowOn
im aware of what snoring is! I’m not sure how much you know about MY husbands snoring anyway but this is really ridiculous- just end it with the poor women and let her find someone else and I do think mentioning her weight and then how much she weighs is really odd, questioning on a forum when in reality he should just end it !

Exactly this is what normal people would do

@mumof2teentoddler so if you weren’t married, and had a boyfriend who you didn’t live with, you would happily stay lots of nights with him, even if it meant you only slept in 10 minute bursts? And you were so tired you weren't safe to drive, and you struggled to do your job? Would you not think hang on, I love this man and I really enjoy his company, but if I don’t sleep I can’t function?

@mumof2teentoddler I’ve tried all sort of earplugs, white noise etc. Nothing blocks out the snoring. Even light snoring causes a vibration which is detectable and stops me sleeping.

Do you think that people who struggle sleeping with snorers haven’t heard of earplugs 😂

I didn’t ask you if you are aware what snoring is.

Her weight is incredibly relevant. This has a direct impact on her snoring.

At no point did OP say he wants to end it.

I like it when people respond to what I have said in a post, but when they make half of it up it doesn’t give me much to respond to.

For me, normal would be understanding the health impact one is having on their partner by keeping them awake and taking steps to do something about it.

What am i misunderstanding? I thought this was Mumsnet.

MNHQ have been very clear on multiple occasions that Mumsnet is for anyone. It started out for parents (‘MumsNet’ had a better ring to it than ‘ParentsNet’) but now encompasses anyone, hence the boards for dads, people with no children and for people living in various other countries.

OK I didn't know that it was for just anyone. I thought it was a space for mums.

No, it’s never been only a space for mums.

Tell her. Be honest about the snoring. For the love of God don't mention her weight.

Yet you comment on the level of my husbands snoring ?! So you didn’t ask no but you DID comment on MY situation
Very strange responses

anyway my opinion remains the same - I can’t believe people sleep separate over snoring
the mind baffles