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Relationships

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Struggling to say no to babysitting

15 replies

alexander4 · 24/08/2026 12:39

hi, so I have a close friend who I’ve somewhat become default childcare for to her 4 year old son. she’s a single parent (like me) but doesn’t have much family support or support from her child’s dad.

although my child’s dad is also a POS, I’m very fortunate that my family are involved in helping me raise my son so he’s often with my parents or siblings so I can have a break.

anyway, this week for instance my son is staying with my brother so I’m child free. obviously my friend knows this as I had told her last week. she’s already asked me to babysit her son for her twice, both evenings so I wouldn’t really have to do much per se as her son will be sleeping but obviously means I can’t make plans myself. technically I am free but not in the sense of I’ve planned to do nothing, more so I just hadn’t decided what I wanted to do yet.

am I being selfish for not wanting to? & how do I communicate this nicely I’m worried she will be annoyed at me because one of the nights she asked me to babysit is for seeing a family member who’s really ill so I feel like there’s an added emotional burden that I’m feeling. it’s not that I don’t want to help her I do, and when my son is home I host lots of play dates, dinners together and her boy has sleepovers at ours maybe once every month or two. I just selfishly want this week to myself but am prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable as I don’t want to jeopardise the friendship.

OP posts:
Lomonald · 24/08/2026 12:41

Honestly just say I am enjoying my child free week and have plans can she ask someone else , she doesn't need to know your plans and imo taking the absolute piss. I know it is difficult but she needs to widen her circle if she wants that much baby sitting.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 24/08/2026 12:43

How many hours both evenings?

Not saying to follow my advice...but I might say yes to the evening where to needs to visit the sick relative...but I'd put a timeline on it....no more than 2/3 hours...make up some excuse so that she is not dilly-dallying. I'd say no to the second evening as that's taking the piss.

I wouldn't share so much info with her in future as you are leaving yourself wide open to requests if she knows when you're free. Start not being free.

StressedOutPeanut · 24/08/2026 12:46

Stop being a wet lettuce. Tell her you don't have your child, why would your brother watch your child for a week so you can babysit for free another child for two nights? Just say no. Put your foot down.

RandomMess · 24/08/2026 12:52

You just say it’s your child free week so you have made plans.

Its probably easier for you to have her DC sleep over and have both rather than give up child free time!

Lomonald · 24/08/2026 12:57

I doubt she will be "annoyed" with you for long who would have her dc for overnights and dinners, if she stayed annoyed?

bitontheobtuse · 24/08/2026 12:58

You're not being selfish. She's the selfish one, for expecting you to give up your evenings and look after her child.

MyDpsanarse · 24/08/2026 13:01

Learn to say no to her Op, if you don't you'll end up as her default babysitter for years to come. Does she ever look after your DC because I'd bet it's always you helping her.

StrawberryBunnies · 24/08/2026 13:04

Just say no. I’m a single mum with no one to help look after my kids and people always say “don’t you have friends you can ask?!” Like I would burden anyone like that 🙄 she’s being very rude to ask you.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 24/08/2026 16:11

Just say "No, sorry I'm not available". If she asks why then tell her its none of her business. If she pushes any further than that then she's not really your friend.

PinkKimonos · 24/08/2026 16:13

Well, choose your discomfort. Either you feel the discomfort of saying no, or the discomfort of being unable to make free plans during your own precious childfree week. I know which one I’d think is more important. (Clue: it wouldn’t involve me babysitting.)

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 24/08/2026 17:39

Good grief! Just tell her no! I’m a single parent. My free time is precious. There is absolutely NO WAY I’d be babysitting for someone during a child-free week. What is she thinking?

TheSandgroper · 24/08/2026 18:11

As an ex Prime Minister of ours famously said “Always back Self Interest. You always know it’s trying to win”.

Your friend has backed Self Interest and, guess what, she’s winning! If you don’t care to look after your own self interest, no one else will and instead you bleat to Mumsnet.

I’m a bit short of sympathy, I’m afraid. However, just say “I have something in my diary already” and ffs, don’t tell her your diary says ‘staring into space tonight’. Or just say No.

ShetlandishMum · 24/08/2026 18:14

It's bonkers. Say no!

Lomonald · 24/08/2026 18:15

bitontheobtuse · 24/08/2026 12:58

You're not being selfish. She's the selfish one, for expecting you to give up your evenings and look after her child.

This, no decent self aware person would ask someone on their child free time to babysit twice in a week.

DaisyChain505 · 24/08/2026 18:17

Please find a back bone and tell her no. You are a single parent too and she needs to find someone else to help her.

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