What would cause you to stop loving someone?

[Annabel20]

Can anyone who’s had experience of a similar situation explain how you can go from loving your husband/partner to suddenly hating them almost overnight? My husband has just told me he doesn’t love me anymore and doesn’t want to be with me. This is sudden everything was fine and I’m sure there is no one else involved. I’ve been blindsided (we have two DD’s). Any similar experiences would help thanks

So sorry OP. To be honest I don't think these things happen overnight, there has probably been some covering up going on , and/or you've been missing the signs. I hope you find your way through this shocking experience.

I agree it’s not overnight, somethings been niggling and building up until it hit him. I’m so sorry op. Talk to him and see if you can figure it out but horrendously do be careful too x (I’m so sorry)

and I’m sure there is no one else involved

How are you sure?

I’m sorry this has happened OP, I hope you have people IRL you can talk to.

Kindly, it doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe it has been dawning on him over a period of time that the path he’s chosen isn’t the one he wants or he’s looking to the future and doesn’t see you in it.

Maybe his affection for you hadn’t been enough to survive the drudgery of domestic life with young children.

Maybe when you got married you were there at the time he thought he should settle down and he thinks he’s made a mistake.

Or perhaps, despite you being convinced there isn’t anyone else, maybe his head has been turned, and even if he hasn’t acted on it yet, he’s realised he wants to.

Whatever the reason, it doesn’t stop it being debating for you, so if you haven’t already, make sure you get support IRL from a good friend or family member.

Sorry, OP - there will be someone else. It's a tale as old as time.

I doubt it's happened overnight. It might be a sudden thing that he's realised or been prepared to acknowledge it but it's probably been building.

It's happened to me three times. Once, I fell in love with someone else, once he kept lying to me over small insignificant things but I found I couldn't love someone who did that and once someone who I thought (always said he) would do anything for me failed to be there for me in a real crisis and I couldn't move past that.

Just get on with your life. Love your life. Disregard the other who is not worth your thoughts or time.

To be clear, has he actually said he hates you? Or just that he no longer loves you?

No, it won’t have happened overnight most probably but over time. It’s really sad to fall out of love with someone you’re in a relationship with, but it’s happened to most of us.

Best to accept it, spend some time healing and then deal with the aftermath. I’m sorry, it’s awful, but nobody should stay in a relationship they’re unhappy in.

It’s either death by a thousand cuts until there’s nothing left (IME more common for women to experience), or someone has turned his head. Plenty of posters on here insist this hasn’t happened, until they find out it has.

This has happened to me - came out of the blue. I agree with PP, in my case there were resentments that had built up and communication had become surface-level rather than addressing deeper issues.

I’m sorry OP, it’s a crap position to be in.

Sudden change- likely fallen for someone else. Particularly if accompanied by anger/sudden dislike of the betrayed partner - it's like a way of justifying themselves to pick holes in them and make out they're awful, so of course they were driven into someone else's arms.

Usually if no-one else is involved, it's a death of a thousand cuts, as pps have said.

I'd be so tempted to call his bluff and say, 'Okay, if you don't love me any more, I'll leave. You and the kids can have the house and I'll go away.' Because what men really mean is 'Domestic drugery bores me. I want to run away and have fun without feeling guilty so the easiest thing to do is to blame you. I've decided it's your fault I'm selfish and restless because I don't love you any more.'

I could spit on men like this. Self-important arsewipes with the emotional maturity and reliability of a toddler.

maybe he's having an episode of depression? also check out for dismissive avoidance.

I fell out of love with my first husband it was over a period of 1-2 years… I just started to realise I never wanted my life with this person. I never hated him but really disliked him at the time. Everything he did annoyed me, Looking back I know we were not suited, He has a lovely wife now who embraces all the things that I disliked. He would not have been able to do anything to make me change my mind once I’d got on that path…it just took me the time and courage to say it out loud.