I am autistic and had an abusive childhood. I have mental health issues and several mental health conditions.
I was never sexually abused but have sexual trauma from behaviours, I myself, initiated and now regret.
Sometimes during sex I will just dissociate, most of the time its very mild and fleeting but the other evening I just completely went somewhere else.
The thing that I don't understand is how my husband didn't notice this.
I've never had any instances or negativity with him and I am not posting this to infer in anyway that he is some type of sexual abuser.
I am a willing participant but sometimes something just switches and its like Im not there anymore.
But he just doesn't notice and its not his fault because I am there and wanting to have sex and can initiate but part way through something just happens and theres no warning for me, so there isnt one for him either.
But the other night afterwards I just wondered how he didn't notice at all the I had completely disengaged and just wasn't there
I am quite passive is bed (am just lazy tbh, I like to have him do the work and just enjoy it) so I suppose it might not be a complete 180 to what is normal but I don't know, I don't even know how to explain it to him because I have no warning of it myself.
I can feel great and sexy and completely into it and something just switches