Ive been with dh for 13 hrs married for 7, we have a 5yr old SEN child. We work in the same place, working mostly opposite shifts.
The past couple of years have been strained due to him breaking my trust by inviting his child to live with us without discussing it with me first we hadn't seen her for 11 years it was a complete nightmare and the whole thing made me miserable and he told me to just deal with it. Eventually I said I cant do this anymore and we were about to split due to this, maybe she overheard, a few days later she ran off again. She'd had a history of doing that to her mum, she went back to her mums and is no longer in our lives.
He apologised for the way he handled things, and we moved on. But it has still remained a bone of contention for me.
Fast forward 2 years later, I was contemplating leaving again, because I felt like I was getting no support at home, and the mental load. He tried for a couple of weeks then went back to normal, I went away with my mum and dd to get some space, and decided I didnt want to raise our daughter alone. We had another chat saying I need consistency in his efforts, which he is sort of doing, he has improved a little
But I've gone back to obsessing over the relationship again, looking at what financial help I could get on my own, looking at rentals, other jobs, thinking constantly about a different life. The thought of leaving him when we've been through so much stuff together *I've only mentioned a snippet
Is so hard, I do love him but im starting to wander if its enough any more?
We skeep separately and have done for about 4 months now, we barely have a sex life * maybe 1 time every couple of months.
I mourn our relationship, when we got together and for many years we were unstoppable, so strong, so in love, so affectionate, and its all gone. I keep saying to my mum I dont think it'll last, but I cant bring myself to go. I still love him, in a weird way I guess. Is my relationship doomed to be over? I cant stop thinking about it all day every day.
Ive suggested couples therapy, he foesnt want to go, he says people who do it are already over. He also says to me that he knows ill leave him some day.
He's said we may have to sell the house to a cheaper one to ease some financial pressure because im earning less than when we bought, and the cost of living is too much, it is of course my fault, because im trying to help my mental health in terms of work, which he has helped with no denying, but its my faukt we may need to sell.
Which is another thing triggering my what if cycle, if we have to sell should I take the oppertunity to just go alone? Im so confused
For context i guess, this is my 2nd marriage, im in my 40s and I've never actually known adult life alone, I met my ex at 18, divorced at 27, met dh at 28 so I've never been able to just live my life without thinking of others