Is it me.

[Creatorbeebop]

Hi. First timer here. Have been with hubby for 24yrs. 16 married. We've had issues for years but just lately he keeps saying that I am forgetting things. Like he reckons I went to cinema with our daughter to see a film which he says is why he bought me the full set of those movies. I know I have not been to see this movie at cinema and our daughter says same thing. Today we was scrolling through our sky recordings and I said about a programme on it. He said I recorded it to see if I liked it. I did not record this show as wasn't interested in it. Is he deliberately trying to make out I'm losing it. Cos it feels like it. His memory on the other hand is awful.

Sounds like he is gaslighting you but only you can use your knowledge of him as to why he might be doing this. Or maybe he just has a poor memory and thinks things have happened that haven't.

Does he have a history of gaslighting you? That would drive me nuts, him saying you've done things you know you haven't! It doesn't sound like a poor memory on his part, though, as we don't tend to "remember" things that didn't happen. It does sound more like gaslighting, though god knows why he'd gaslight you into thinking you'd seen a movie that you hadn't seen!

Has his memory been getting worse recently?

This could easily be memory loss. No point in gaslighting you by pretending you went to see a movie with your daughter, because she will confirm that you didn't. Something is wrong.
A PP suggested that memory loss wouldn't mean remembering things that didn't happen. In my experience, this is part of cognitive decline; also being very sure that the memory is correct, and getting upset when contradicted.

How is his memory?

Have you told him it’s his memory? How does he react? Would he be open to seeing a doctor?

My partner has a terrible memory and frequently makes claims that I did or said things I never did. Drives me mad, but I know he’s not gaslighting me, he just genuinely has a dreadful memory. If it started to happen more often I’d be more concerned there was something going on with him.

His memory is awful but he won't agree. He needs lists for our TV shows. So we watch things in an order. He also writes lists for jobs that need doing on his days off which isn't necessarily a memory thing. But he forgets things really easily. My son is similar too. He can ask me what I'm working tomorrow then ask me again an hour or two later. Hubby has always been the reliable one. Which is quite controlling.