So sad and angry

[Lemonpossett]

I’ve just found on my partner has added a woman on Facebook he had an emotional with previously.
Alleges it is something to do with work but then can’t talk to me about it now as he feels ill. Just feel
so sad and angry.

Should have added ‘emotional affair’

Sorry OP. Do you live with him? Got kids together? I guess he feels "ill" because he's been caught.

No kids don’t live together …. Im
sure you’re right @ginasevernjust sad because I thought we’d put it behind us…. I just can’t trust him can I.

I'm sorry to read that, I think if the trust has gone it's not worth carrying on as you'll go crazy and it'll eat you up. Unless you're both on the same page and being transparent with each other if there's been reasons not to trust them in the past. He's doing the opposite. He's not shutting this woman out he's engaging with her. They might be messaging each other, I'm sure that's crossed your mind. I couldn't carry on in that situation, he needs to grow a pair and talk to you.

Thankyou for your reply @Yupstillhereits so
hard as in so many ways he’s great and we generally get on so well…. But you’re right it will eat me up and the fact that he’s so defensive about it is a huge red flag

No you can't OP. I'm really sorry. Please don't humiliate yourself by trying to keep the relationship going. I've been there and done that myself.

I’ve been there, OP.

in fact I’m still there. I’m the cliche “woman who stayed because of the kids”.

I’m 90% sure it wasn’t physical, but the messages / sexting is enough to have ruined my marriage / trust in him, but not enough to rip my kids lives apart.

If we didn’t have kids, it would have been game over. Which I suggest is the route you take.

My eyes just about rolled out my head when I read that he’s “too ill” to speak to you about it just now.

What’s he too ill with?

Just let him go. Then he’ll have all the time in the world to get better and you’ll feel much better too I promise.

Ah, he’s ill with Consequences, poor lambkin

Oh no, not………..the Consequences?

OP, get away from him, that’s a terrible disease.

Find someone free of these germs.

I think you know what you need to do 😔.

The level of disrespect :(
Im so so sorry OP
I hope you go and find the love you deserve x
And that he finds someone who matches his energy!

Thankyou for all the responses people have taken the time to send, greatly appreciated.
In fairness he struggles to maintain his blood sugar levels (T1D) so he does often feel unwell.
Just feel so let down by him. I’m not going to humiliate myself by allowing this to continue…. I’ve done this in the past as I truly believed we had something that had the potential to be really special, how wrong I was.

I’m not going to humiliate myself by allowing this to continue

Thats a very good description of what it is, and you have made the best choice for you.

Thankyou @NoCommentingFromNowOn it was @ginasevernwho used the word ‘humiliate’ and it really struck a cord and made me think.

I'm so sorry OP but no you can't trust him. It sounds like you deserve much better than him. Sending you hugs and strength, you are going to be ok 💐

Dump him and move on. You don’t need him, you have no children and your own home, so no financial ties