One off abuse

[superfrog2]

Should I forgive my partner for an abusive episode emotionally and psychical when he was very drunk. I know it’s not ok but has anyone been in this situation and forgiven and moved on in the relationship

What happened?

How long have you been together?

There is never only one time. When it happens once it escalates from there.

A one-off emotional episode I could possibly move past depending on the level of it and if steps were taken to ensure it never happened again. However, from my own experience, once it's physical, even if they never do it again, you will never feel safe or secure with them again because you know that they have that capacity within them.

In vino veritas…

Are there really no other red flags? At all?

How many dates have you been on? Have absolutely zero tolerance for shit men. Abuse is a deliberate choice.

No
If you forgive him it’s the green light for the next time

There could be two things going on here. It’s either the start of classic power and control DV, in which case it will only get worse and expand into other types of abuse, or it’s exclusively triggered by alcohol consumption, in which case the only way it will stop is if he stops drinking. Either way it would involve voluntary radical change in his part for it to stop. The former would involve intense men’s behaviour change programs and even then there’s no guarantee it will work. I’d get out if I were you.

When did this happen?

Are you safe?

Are there children in the picture?

Take photographs of any injuries if there are any - even if you don't report now it's worth doing, especially as you're considering forgiving him. If it were to happen again then you have evidence it wasn't a one off for police reporting.

Very dependent on what actually happened.

I don't think I am actually a very forgiving person though. I certainly wouldn't tolerate or move past violence or sexual harassment/rape.

I'm sorry,but no. I am currently on a protection order with my 4 children for historic abuse, coercive behaviour, stalking and criminal damage from my husband of 13 years . We will be in crown courtnext year. This is how it started and everytime was a one off, he was always so so3ry and it was never going to happen again. I became sucked in and only 4 months ago found the courage to seek help and go to the police. Please keep yourself safe. Always here if you need someone to chat too

I'm a great believer in people's behaviour when they are drunk reveals the real person that they are. The drink has stripped away their everyday masking mechanism. So I think you have seen what they really are and how they really think of you.

It would depend on what he was doing to ensure it would never happen again, what efforts he was making to rebuild trust and what he was saying about why it happened.

If he was just blaming the drink and claiming it as a one off and saying you need to get over it, I would run for the hills!!

Once is enough...leave.

This. Could be a day later, a week later, a month later, when you are pregnant or a decade later but it is ALWAYS there.

My ex did it 3 months in (abuse not physical but verbal) he then did in on honeymoon and then it escalated to physical when I got pregnant. I was a really strong woman before and he reduced me to nothing. He has shown you who he is- alcohol is never an excuse ever.

To echo other posters here, there is no such thing as one-off abuse. May I suggest a Clare's Law request via the police?

No such thing as a one off.

It's never a one off. If you forgive him, it's just the first time. Leave, and don't look back. One act of physical abuse is one too many.

Details matter.