Feeling inadequate about sex after partner's comment on my size

[Whatever91]

I've been with my gf since middle school. We have 3 kids together n we're in our mid 30s now. Lately I've been feeling like I'm not able to satisfy her like she wants. Im very good at oral but my friend down below is a 5 to 5 1/2 at best. She cums off oral and riding but I can tell she wants to try other positions that im not able to do. I asked her if I'm enough and she says yes but I can't help feeling I'm not when she tries to do positions that I can't really reach. We were joking a few days ago and she said I had a little head, but what got me was she had to let me know that she was talking about my actual head not my man below. I thought to myself I never thought you were talking about my man below, but I also thought she must be think I'm small if she had to let me know she was talking about my actual head. I couldn't shake my thoughts and later that night I wasn't able to preform we've been together about 18yrs and I feel like this may be a reason we might be ending. I texted her if she wants someone else I understand but I didn't get a response

You text her? Why not speak in person?
Not sure what positions you'd struggle with tbh either

Mate. It’s your penis. Or your cock. Not your man below ffs

If she wasn’t happy with what you’ve got, she wouldn’t be there 18 years down the line. You’re fine.

You are average size, get over it.

It’s not your dong.

Also, you do know you can buy toys and make her happy that way right?

.

Your penis is average-sized. Stop stressing. Men think the size of their penises are far more important to good sex than women do.

She comes from oral? I'm envious. I've never had a man make me come from oral, never from vaginal sex, and once with his hands, in my whole life. And I'm older than you are. That you make her orgasm consistently is a very good thing and, if she's smart, she knows this.

Most sex positions can be tweaked to make them more reachable. Usually, the problem is one partner being too tall for the other, or one or both partners not being flexible enough. To give a few examples:

• If you're a lot taller than she is, the "her ankles on your shoulders" position will need a firm pillow under her hips to work. This will also help if her hamstrings are tight.
• If her thigh adductors are very tight, "legs around your waist" missionary won't work.
• If you are a lot taller, rear entry with her on all fours will work better if she kneels on the edge of the bed or a low seat and you stand.

Talk to her about what she wants. Not "am I good enough?" reassurance-seeking, but "is there a position you'd like to try?" and "is there anything you fancy trying during foreplay?" Curiosity, willingness to please, and confidence are sexy. Being insecure about the size of your wedding tackle isn't.

I don't know why you edited that away. It's valuable input. I wonder if that technique might help me?

Also, you or she can absolutely use clitoral toys on her during penetration, see if that helps things along a bit.

is this for real?!

It's certainly plausible. Porn has a lot to answer for.

You have an average size. It's fine.

Most sensible women don't want huge penises, they hurt and men don't know how to use them. Hell women can't even feel them after a few inches. All the nerve endings are near the opening.

If I want a raging UTI and microtears in my vaginal introitus that sting every time I pee and take days to heal, a guy hung like Red Rum would be a great choice of partner.

i didn’t realise men could post on mumsnet!

Well, yes, of course they can. It's not like we have to submit scans of our vulvas to create accounts.

It sounds like your wife only made that clarification because you had already expressed insecurities about this. You’ve asked her if you’re enough before so she knows it’s something that worries you, she made the clarification because of that. You’re projecting a lot here and it doesn’t sound to me like your wife has an issue with this. You don’t have a micro penis, you are very normal. I’d suggest you work hard to stop projecting your insecurities onto her or you’ll ruin your sex life.

There is no bigger turn on than a man so insecure he texts you asking if you are going to dump him because of his little todger. Especially when you have 3 bloody kids together.

You are average, which is fine.
Some of the worst sex I’ve had was with a guy who had a giant dick- he just thought that was enough.

Your partner has been with you for 18 years- she knows you’re sensitive about it and she clarified which head.

It is so so tedious to have to dance around a guys sensitivity over his dick. Honestly, stop worrying. Accept yourself and focus on her. Seriously

Can’t believe you sent a text.

😂 This sarcasm should be on billboards.

This. I was never keen on a penis thumping against my cervix ouch.

OP, your penis size is literally the average. 50% of men have penises that are shorter than yours.

It's bizarre that you sent that message. She'll now be wondering what's wrong with HER, or the marriage. Then she'll find out that its because you think you have a small penis, and she'll have to reassure you and walk around on tippy toes about any mention of your penis.

I had a bf for a while with a massive hangup about his penis size, it was probably about 4.5 inch. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. The sex was very good, I got off most times, he had a nice way of rocking that really did the job. Gave good head too. But over time he killed my lust because of his anxiety about his penis size. He would panic if he couldn't get it in or if he thought I wasn't into it (eg I was concentrating on getting an orgasm). It frankly got boring to do all that emotional labour and practically having to perform like a porn star so he'd feel reassured about HIS performance.

This comment was really helpful

Over on the sex thread there is a post from a woman on how her fella's dick insecurity is casung issues certiany woth you haveing a read, Nothing as unsexy as an insecure man,

Sounds like you’re doing ok as pp's have said. Some of what she might want to tray can be more challenging with a smaller peen but there are ways around it.

You could try sex postion cushions you can buy stylish high-end ones for £150+ on lovey honey or for under £20 on Temu. You could also invest in a high-quality cock sleve if you really want to experience being bigger. Oxballs is the best brand Ive found.