Living together following break up

[Autumnwoes]

It's pretty much over for me and Dp (of 20 years). For a number of reasons including illness of one DC and of course money, were still living under the same roof.

We sleep in separate rooms, we watch tv in separate rooms most nights. We've been pretty much like friends rather than partners living under the same roof.

Am I mad to think we could keep this arrangement going for another 5 years until DC are older?

We had a big argument last night but other than that, we rarely even argue any more.

Why do you think this is good for DC? Or yourself?

I bet the atmosphere for the kids is poor with tension between you..

What if either of you get new partners? Or even just date...

I think it would feel like limbo which is horrible for everyone

Temporarily it could be ok but I think five years is too long. I did it for two years and I didn’t want to but exh insisted for practical reasons. It still ended really badly when we finally divorced.

You would have to agree not to date or have another partner.

But it's not ideal really for anyone's mental health.
I have a friend who has done this for years and she has really struggled with it plus her kids, who are now older, have both felt the effects and been quite vocal about it.

I'm in this situation. I could have written most of your post Autumnwoes.

I still have a relatively young dc. I made the decision that I did not want to see my dcs half the time which my husband would want just to stay in control.

We both have minor disabilities now. We work together to bring dc up. Financially it works better too though this isn't the main reason the 50/50 one is.
We have a comfortable life. I try to console myself with this as I feel lonely a lot and I know I would much rather have a kind and loving relationship.
Making friends has been a slow process for me let alone finding a new partner which is something that I would want to do, the dating apps sound awful and the chances of meeting someone in real life even slimmer chances. I am ND and this impacts things a lot as I don't function as well on my own and also looking after dcs alone. Little extended family live abroad.

Little advice to give except what would be your biggest regret? If you are still friends that counts for something. I would say it could become a problem if one of you meets someone else. Also, although I have chosen this over being on my own, it can feel very lonely at times staying in this kind of relationship thinking what could be but I would not describe my husband as a friend and you may have a better relationship.

We are not on our own, there are lots of people in the same boat, I often think a support group would be wonderful given this situation.