How do I cope living near distant but overbearing parents?

[MyBluntWriter]

I am 38F struggling with my parents. We recently moved back to the city where they live, and being close to them is proving problematic.

My parents are simultaneously uninterested and overbearing. For example, my dad won’t initiate any phone calls, texts, or spending time together with me or my kids and husband and when we do see him he is always saying he has other things to do (fix his truck, do home repairs, etc) so he makes you feel like a bother and like you’re wasting his time. He is always on his phone when we’re at his house, making conversation and connection pretty much impossible.

My mom seems to want connection, but doesn’t seem to know how to do it. She invites us over for visits and does initiate getting together and catching up, but if I ever share something I’m struggling with, my feelings are brushed aside and invalidated. She wants to track me on Find My and gets upset with me when I cancel the tracking.

My parents are retired and don’t ever offer to help me with childcare, so I ask but then feel uncomfortable asking because they make it out to be such a burden, especially with my dad he makes me feel like I’m infringing on his time.

They are uninterested in my personal life when it comes to work, or other things and when I do share about exciting things in my work life, they really don’t give a shit. They acknowledge what I’ve said but can barely look up from their phones or whatever they’re doing to show any interest.

In the past I have moved away to different provinces to get away from them when it gets too painful. I can’t move away for quite a while, how do I live near them without going crazy?

How do I stop wanting approval and interest from them when they put so little effort into our relationship and their relationship with my kids?

Try meeting each of them separately, involving walking along a beach or country pathway or park. Or at a large shopping centre where you are looking for one or two items.
Try meeting up at the local cinema and going out for pancakes afterwards.
Try inviting them for a meal at a set time.
Try inviting one along to rhyme time at the library.
Invite them to help watch kids at swimming lesson.

It is hard to scroll while walking, eating or watching a film.
Ease them into spending time with their grandchildren without any caring responsibilities.

I'm not sure what you've described here is overbearing, they sound more disengaged with you. I think you need to take the lead here. They aren't suddenly going to become the support you are hoping for and it sounds more like they need your support.

As pp said, stop doing the aimless visits to their house. Tour Dad clearly likes to be busy and doing things so engage with him over something he might be interested in "Dad, I thought I might do some gardening, would you come to the garden centre with me to give me some advice, we could have lunch while we are there too" or just invite him over to fix something at yours. With your Mum again, engage her in activities or host her at yours. It sounds like they have terrible social skills.