Short term

[Custardslices]

Hi all,

I started seeing a guy just over a week ago we had our first date the chemistry was off the scale first date he assured me he was after long term relationship

Second date came we slept together no issues what we both wanted i know it was too soon but it happened

3rd date, we were laying on his bed he mentioned the dating app we were on he said he needed to improve his profile and wanted to know what other guys wrote on theirs alongside photos I found this weird so I sat in silence for a few minutes telling him I can't believe we are talking about this but foolishly I stayed in his house.

Next morning he sends me a message saying I reminded him of his ex by making him feel he had done wrong and he just wanted short term relationship which would be exclusive I am not keen on this i feel like he lied I also can't make sense of any of this

Move on and put this down as a learning curve. It's progressed too fast x

I did OLD years ago and yes, you meet lots of jerks. It usually takes a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure. He got what he wanted and he said that to sabotage things since his goal is even more ultra short term than he described.

Even as chemistry is strong, you might want to wait a bit longer to be intimate in the future. Guys who aren't really in it for the long term won't have the patience to wait, and it's a good way, even if not guaranteed, to weed out the players. Take note if a guy wants to get to know all about you besides having the ultimate goal of sex. He will ask a lot of questions and be very happy in your company out in public. Also, find out about his relationship history in general. If he says his longest relationship has been something like 3 months and he's past his very early twenties, that's a red flag.

Know a guy long enough to see if his actions match his words. Some reveal themselves if it's negative early in. Sometimes it takes longer to see the bad. If it all seems good, you have to get past the honeymoon stage to see if they continue to show good signs. I hope you find a keeper soon.

Bad luck, he's a cunt. Onwards and upwards. Get back out there.

For clarity he's 40 years old and his longest relationship was 13 years they broke up 3 years ago.

I feel so down as he showed such interest in me wanting to know all about me, now he sends me a message saying its ok if you don't want to do casual friends with benefits. Why didn't he just say this at the start. I really liked him too

Why didn't he just say this at the start.

Because then you wouldn’t have had sex with him.

He got what he wanted on the second date, move on.

Because he's a twat who hasn't figured himself out and doesn't deserve a decent partner. Sorry.

What a twat, did you feel pressured to talk about sex at any point beforehand? So many losers online claim that want long term relationship but it normally becomes clear they are only after one thing, sorry you’ve found out on the 3rd date! I’d be tempted to say the sex wasn’t good enough for a repeat and just delete him.

Our messages before hand were chatting about ourselves, our day a few peppered comments of sexual nature

He has said the romantic connection isn't there but sexual one is high between us so short term exclusive but still wants to go out on dates like how can I?

He also said i don't want to hurt your feelings he thinks I've got some feelings towards him at such a short time frame as if!!

Next time, even though you may want to don't sleep with somebody so quickly. I had that a few times on dating apps. And a lot of them just backed out because that was clearly all they wanted.

By date two, you haven't really had a defining conversation.

With my most recent relationship, we didn't even have a peck on the cheek until date three, didn't have a proper kiss until date four. Deleted dating apps in front of each other.After about a month and we didn't sleep together for 2 months.By which time we were already calling each other.Boyfriend and girlfriend and had agreed.It was exclusive

If it's a relationship you want, you have to pursue a relationship, not just a fuck boy. A decent man who wants to be with you will wait.

He told you one thing to start with then changed his tune after sex.

You don't want the same thing as him so don't waste any (more?) of your time discussing it with him.

Why are you wasting even a second of your precious time in discussions with him? Block him and use the learning experience so that you'll hopefully avoid the same thing happening again.

I just can't understand the comments of he wanted feedback on his dating profile, then said because I was silent I made him feel like his ex like he messed up.

Then using that as an excuse to switch it too short term I'm probably giving this way too much thought than it deserves

It's really simple.

He was testing to see if you would object to him fucking other people as well as fucking you.

You objected.

Therefore he dumped you with some cock-and-bull excuse.

Why are you still giving him headspace?

If you don't have any feelings for him, why are you still giving him headspace?

You won't understand a twat like him. It's him not you!

He's passive aggressive, cruel, and doesn't like women--only what he can get from them which is brief since he doesn't care to put in the daily effort an exclusive relationship requires. Good you found that out so quickly so you can move on to find someone decent.