New man seems lovely but his work stories are putting me off

[Accycentral]

I’ve had a good number of dates with a new man recently. He seems lovely and decent so far. He has quite a high flying job and I like hearing about it however sometimes he tells me stories about how he has to have meetings with staff etc about their performance and how he tells me he speaks to them just sounds horrible, he comes across really harsh and I think he thinks it’s impressing me how hardlined be is when in fact it’s doing the opposite.
he has never spoke to my rudely, in fact he comes across very amenable so I wonder if these stories are even true.
not sure how to deal with this

It’ll be you one day… the more power they get at work the more entitled they feel at home, believe me… he’s telling you who he really is.

He is telling you who he really is. Listen.

Oh no, bin him.

When he says it do you make a face or anything to let him know? Maybe he’s going home saying ‘she seems to like me being pushy’ (shudders!) Let him know op!!

How you deal with it?

You accept it and move on. he’s not going to change for you.

or you stop dating him

Get rid and tell him why

'Gosh, that seems a bit harsh. Do you really think that was appropriate?'

Wait for his response. That will tell you what you need to know.

Trying to make himself sound important and hard. What a twat.

for me OP kindness is really important, this would massively put me off

Challenge him directly on how he manages his team. See what he does. It's possible he is exaggerating but why would be do that?

@Accycentral What an asshole. Tell him to grow up and learn how to treat people like people.

Ergh get rid of this one........ you'll be next.

How does he treat other people when you are out on a date together?

I always think that is a really good indicator of someone x 💐

I worked closely in a clinic with a highly respected teacher. Went on a school vist with her and witnessed they way she spoke to a teaching assistant and was horified. I had only seen kindness and compassion in the years of working togetrher in clinic, and this behavior does not come from nowhere.

As PP say this is who he is throw this one back

It sounds like he's trying to 'impress' you with his tales. Speaks volumes for him as person. I would seriously consider getting out whilst you can.

I knew a woman who was married to a very powerful man - a senior rank in the military. She said it was like living with someone who was a stranger part of the time. He would come in from work and immediately change out of uniform and go to play with the children. He never raised his voice, spoke unkindly to her or their children, or did anything other than be a devoted husband and father. Yet from time to time he would go off on a mission where she knew he did violent things or gave orders for others to do so. He never spoke about his work. His silence was not deception, it was protection. He did not want to bring that part of his life home to his wife or young family. But it was still a part of what he was.

By contrast this man s using his power to impress and intimidate you. He wants you to admire and respect him not for what he IS but for what he DOES. One day it will be you under the lash. Do not trust him.

I have sent to him he sounds very harsh but he says it’s all warranted

Conversely, one thing that turned my head about DH was all the nice things people said about him at a work leaving do, and he was only going to work down the road for another office in the same organisation.

This is not good. Even if he is embellishing things, he is making himsrlf look at worse a rude bulky at best a prize prat. What is he like when u are being served in restaurants or shops?

Yeah, somewhere along the line he's going to start giving you what he will claim is 'Just honest feedback'... 😶

That sounds like an opinion, not a fact. There are many other ways to tackle bad performance at work, and get the best out of employees.

He sounds unkind and I couldn't relax with him knowing this.

Did he ask you why you thought it was harsh?

If not, that would suggest to me he's not open to considering your view.

Some people really aren't aware of how hard they can be, or sound, but if it's pointed out to them they will consider it and adjust. If not, well...

He sounds horrible