Is it normal to feel put off by an OTT partner?

[Timcanman]

I’ve been seeing a man for around 8 months now, both early 40s, I have kids, he doesn’t, hasn’t met them yet and no plans for that. Enjoying each others company and time together.
im not sure exactly how to explain this but I feel he just tries a bit too hard.
examples are he always buys me things, it’s lovely, don’t get me wrong but it’s always accompanied with a big declaration of how this is how I should be treated, that weekly flowers are the bare minimum etc
he also over reacts to normal mundane things, like if I offer him a cup of tea he will go on like I’ve offered him a million pounds “you want to make me a cuppa, so that’s so lovely of you” or like always checking in e.g “are you enjoying that biscuit, you deserve it” etc. it’s all a bit much and actually doesn’t come across entirely sincere
has anyone experienced this?

Thankfully no but he wouldn't last long!

Yes. It was too much in the end. I didn’t break up with him solely because of that but I do believe it was one of the reasons I got the ick.

Yes it was annoying AF but then soon petered out around 9/10 months and he gradually became incredibly low effort, almost like ‘well I’ve given her X months of Amazing Man, that’s enough now, I can be actual me.’ It wasn’t truly him at the start - it was a character he was projecting. Likely who he really believed he could be, but he couldn’t sustain it. It was a similar set up with my ex no kids, me with kids, he could easily dip in and out as Amazing Man because we had very separate lives. So he could turn it all on for a date and overnight stay every week but then as we progressed to seeing each other every few days, he couldn’t keep it up as it wasn’t really ‘him’ if that makes sense. He was performing ‘boyfriend’. Might be why your gut is picking up that it doesn’t feel sincere. Because it isn’t. This isn’t his baseline, it’s his best foot forward and likely the OTT stuff won’t last. It’s like they don’t know how to have a normal human interaction and are play acting an enthusiastic, charming boyfriend. It depends what he is like underneath all that stuff, maybe he’s afraid you won’t like the real him without all the flowers and bumpf.

Yes. It can feel performative and not like authentic affection.

I think the post above about inauthenticity has it. You might be thinking - I’m so ungrateful why I am I put off by this! He’s treating me so nicely with flowers and buying me things. But it feels off because it feels inauthentic and not genuine.

Some people are genuinely very lovely like this, but I can see why it feels OTT. It will probably die down around a year maybe sooner.

I know what you mean. I had one like that and one of the irritating things he used to do was ask, ‘Aaaaw are you tired?’ in an over sympathetic way when I was perfectly fine. He used to go out of his way to get me things he thought I wanted but didn’t and make a big deal of the effort he was making. When I ended it, he said he felt used 😐

I don’t think he will be able to keep it up op but it’s irritating and you are not daft as you know it’s not genuine.

It does sound performative. it also sounds attention seeking. Like every time he tells you howmuch you deserve these gifts, you're supposed to fall to the floor in gratitude for his thoughtfulness.

It could also be the sign of someone who just doesn't hvae any emotional maturity. He's performing what he think is appropriate behaviour based on books/movies/tv or something and it therefore comes across as fake. because it is. it's not necessarily what he thinks, it's what he thinks he's supposed to think.

could be love bombing

Yes it feels very performative