My eldest is almost 17, has their first “serious” boyfriend and spends every evening over there because that way they don’t have to tidy their room at home to invite him over here. My eldest’s attitude this summer has been stinking. Nothing obviously in your face just low tolerance for their sibling and low tolerance for me (I cannot do right for doing wrong). Their father fares slightly better because he’s a pushover and wants to be liked so doesn’t really enforce boundaries or raise issues as they arise. He doesn’t take their side per se but certainly is wedged firmly on the fence.
So I’m the bad one in the family for setting a curfew, for grounding to get the room tidied, for asking if they have everything they need for school (because apparently that means I don’t trust them to buy the things they need) for asking what they want for dinner, for expecting a text to say they won’t be home for dinner etc.
My eldest was never like this a year ago. Their boyfriend seems like a nice enough guy but that seems to be the point at which they changed. I don’t know what theyre saying when theyre over at his and I’ve no idea how his parents must be feeling having this additional person there each evening (they’re not allowed to stay overnight yet). I’ve tried to explain to my eldest, who happens to be a very high masking autistic that being there every night might be awkward or uncomfortable for the bf’s family and maybe they’re too polite to say anything but my eldest insist that’s not the case.
We used to be best pals and we never had any issues. I expected this phase to come eventually but I didn’t expect to be the sole target of it or for it to be so hard and lonely I have nobody to talk to about this because my partner doesn’t really do communication in any kind of constructive way (that’s a whole other post and not something I’m wanting to talk about here). I don’t really know what is and is not acceptable, what is and is not age appropriate. I think my eldest has quite a lot of freedom for their age and seemingly more than their friends but it’s not enough for them and I don’t really know what to do anymore. My mum had zero boundaries and didn’t give a shit and I’m far from being strict but I’m not going to be like my own mother. I just don’t really know how to navigate this stage. Any advice would be welcome