Trying to build a better family life after a difficult childhood

[Larenaa]

As a child/ young adult I was bullied and beaten up by a sibling. We are now non contact. I had no way of getting away. Parents weren’t good. Both probably ND and couldn’t keep the house properly, one an alcoholic, one unemployed for long periods. Just feeling sorry for myself really. I am grownup now and have a dc of my own, trying to create a nice life for them. Finding things a struggle as ND and child is as well. I can’t afford therapy but want the best life I can achieve in what I have left

Hiya,

Well done for getting away and for starting to build a nice life.

I too am a survivor of child abuse and have built a good life. I'm a bit older than you and here is what has helped -

Reading about child abuse and working out which bits applied to me
Writing about them extensively - 'getting it out'
Understanding that bad memories and upset comes in waves - several days of feeling down, working it through in my journal, then feeling better and it passing

Focussing on 'what next?'
Who do I want to be and how do I get there?
How can I look after myself?
How can I give myself the care I need for my wounds?

Dealing with the past is a real 'thing' - it MUST be done. Only then will it be salved. You deserve care now for what you have been through.

Recognise when you are feeling down and bad, stop and attend to it. Then get back up and get back to making progress, that's the best advise I think.

Lots of love from another survivor xx

Having a child can be at once deeply healing and intensely triggering. The fact that you recognise the work that needs to be done is half the battle.

I didn't realise I was ND until I had my daughter at 33 and all of the coping skills and masking that I'd unconsciously implemented over the years just fell away under the constant demands on my time and space.
My daughter is my greatest joy and I am so proud of her, but I have to manage myself carefully to ensure I don't echo the way I was parented.
I don't always get it right, but she is a happy, safe, loved kid with opportunities for her interests to blossom.

Sending love to you and your kid too ❤️