regret settling down from young age

[FunAquaUser]

Hi everyone

been in long term relationship for 20 odd years got together when 15 and have 2 children together. We have been engaged for few years and at one point I did want to get married but now I have no desire to.
i feel like as the kids are getting older I’m worried about what the future looks like, we don’t have anything in common, I don’t really enjoy spending time together unless it’s days out with the kids. We don’t share any similar interests I like to go out and be sociable and he doesn’t.
i look at all my friends who have good relationships , enjoy going out together, they have couple friends they socialise with and we just don’t have any of that.
we don’t really spend time with family either so it’s just us 4 all the time apart from when in work and I just really feel like I settle too young and I worry I’m going to regret settling so young and spending my life with this person but now we have children I also don’t want to disrupt their lives for the sake of mine.

its hard when no one has done anything to end a relationship just because things feel boring or not quite right but I’m approaching 40 and I really don’t want to regret just settling.

i feel bad because he doesn’t feel the same he says how much he loves me and wants to spend his life with me. I love him but I feel like it’s more because of how long we’ve been together and I don’t actually feel in love anymore and the older I’m getting the more apparent it’s becoming. We rarely have sex and when we do I don’t enjoy it.
I feel bad I feel this way, I wish I could just love him the way he loves me but you can’t force these feelings.

just after any advice for anyone who has been in similar situation and what the outcome was.

Have you got some girlfriends you can spend time with? Something to get away frombthe banality of family life?

@risingup I have and I love spending time with them, we do things now and again but its so hard to arrange anything now everyone is so busy with family life or couples plans these days!

It's not uncommon to make outgrow a relationship that began before your brain fully matured. I married too young and finished divorce proceedings at age 45. My marriage was worse than yours though, with a husband who suffered from depression, expressing it in anger and isolation.

Sounds like even if things were spiced up and with social improvements that it wouldn't make a difference with you. Too little, too late. He doesn't know you will be doing him a favor, but that'll be the case when you release him so he can eventually find someone crazy about him.

Kids are always our priority, but you can't sacrifice a satisfying life to avoid them being upset over parents divorcing. If they grew up and wound up being in unsatisfying marriages, you wouldn't advise them to stay for the children, would you?

I'm in a happier 2nd marriage since being older and wiser in my choices the 2nd time around. If you do exit the marriage, give yourself and the kids time to get used to the new dynamic before you enter the dating world again. You need time to learn who you are again as a single person and to get into the right mental space. Good luck.

@ScorpionLioness79 thanks for your reply, it’s so hard to split and upheave everyone’s lives when you have been together so long and have children but I agree he deserves happiness and someone who in madly in love with him. I just wish he’d initiate the split as I don’t have the courage to break his heart and upset the kids .