Does anyone else feel close to family but not truly seen?

[JammyQueen]

I’m a 40 year old woman who on paper is ‘close’ with her family- see parents and siblings weekly, sometimes more , go on holidays together, they help look after my child, I look after theirs etc
Sometimes I feel though that they really don’t know me, it’s hard to explain, but we are close physically in person but there’s limited chat about my life, interests, relationships. I feel very ‘unseen’ by them, which sounds ridiculous at my old age and sure why should it even matter but it does to me.
has anyone felt similar?

Do you feel seen by close friends? Your partner? Anyone?

Do you feel you “see” your parents and siblings?

Yes close friends and partner

Good question, hadn’t thought of it that way. Probably not really but they don’t really talk about anything that would let me in that way. If I tried talking about things like relationships, family history, they would change the subject

Well enjoy that.

Yes, me. Our family was close but it all depends on doing the right thing, not being too much of a bother or upsetting anyone. Growing up our parents didn’t model or teach healthy conflict so there are a lot of hidden resentments for things brushed under the carpet. I’ve had to learn how to disagree assertively and respectfully in adulthood, because growing up my parents ignored problems, or argued then gave each other the silent treatment until it was forgotten. I find it very hard to say no because growing up I was very cautious not to rock the boat.

And given you don’t think you “see” your family… just enjoy the holidays and helping
one another out. Not every relationship needs to be deeeeeep

Probably the same OP. But it’s always been this way - my parents are not particularly interested in my life but I visit weekly, always message but they don’t initiate communication and as they don’t go out and about their world has shrunk to the minutiae of life.

I do get what you mean - my DCs say I have a very formal relationship with them. Which is probably a good summary.

Crikey I actually had a chat about this with my parents the other week and I'm also 40, pop in daily, text and call daily, holiday together etc, great with grandkids. However I brought up I feel like I'm just there listening to everyonelse even tho I unconditionally love every single one of them and I do know I'm loved back.
Since the chat I have to say parents have really put in more effort

How were you in your family growing up? There is often the loud one, the leader etc and then the quiet one. Sounds like you are all supportive of each other and that is a bonus having people like that in your life. In my dhs family they talk about everything, hate small talk but then there is drama and fights. My family is morre like yours . We are very close in ways but we don't go too deep and respect our independence and l like it.