Can a relationship recover after infidelity without losing yourself again?

[Rerel]

5 years ago I literally pulled myself out of the gutter. I had gained 35 pounds during Covid and developed a binge eating disorder. I went from a high achiever to someone who just wanted to sleep and lie in bed all day. I would self harm. Make myself sick.

Bur I managed to pull myself out. I became the version of me that was beautiful, healthy and happy again. It took well over two years of therapy, diets, gyms etc. Not easy at all.

Three months ago I found out that my husband had been unfaithful with an ex of his. And I have to say I’ve started to hate myself again. Initially I was going to leave but we decided we will give it 6 months to rebuild trust. But it’s just not happening. I’m so afraid of losing myself again. I’m 32. I want to be a mother. But I can’t be in a relationship where I’m made to feel worthless.

We see a therapist but honestly it seems like a farce. We’ve only been married for a year.

Is it possible to genuinely move past this? I don’t want a love that is a struggle. I don’t want to hate myself. Which the infidelity has brought about.

Some days I want to just pack it all in but other times I think things can be rebuilt. And that’s what a marriage is

It has nothing to do with you. It is nothing you have done. He is showing you exactly who he is. An adult man that cannot have respect for your relationship.
Run for the hills OP. Bin him and keep your self esteem, MH and well being intact.

Please don’t think badly of yourself. Your husband cheated on you because there’s something wrong with him. The first thing he should be doing is individual counselling to find out what to do about it.

Cut your losses and give yourself the chance to find someone who you can trust and respect, and who won't treat you badly like your husband has done.
If you stay with him and have children together, I'd say you'll almost certainly end up being a single parent.

Trying is understandable, but I don't think so. Cheating is a choice, and neither of you are kids anymore.

You are the kind of person he chose to cheat on. Your relationship is one he will choose to injure in the worst way, just because it feels good.

You say you have only been married a year and three months ago you found about his cheating - so 9 months into your marriage?

The early years of a marriage should be the happiest but your H was cheating on you.

Don't give him six months, look into your options and end it now.
You are a strong woman who pulled herself out of the depths with pure grit and determination in the past and you are still young.
You deserve more than this & if you end your marriage with a man who treats you with disrespect you have the chance to live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Please don't stay with him & please don't consider having children with him. This is your chance at 32 to make a change, do that & you won't regret it.

And I have to say I’ve started to hate myself again.

I'd suggest that you're aiming that at the wrong person.

HE cheated. HE is the one you should hate. But you're not letting yourself because you've got this daft idea that trying to rebuild the relationship is wise. So you've got nowhere to direct that loathing at other than yourself.

Ditch the fucking dickhead, I guarantee you'll start feeling significantly better about yourself.

I couldn’t move on. Please don’t blame yourself if you can’t either. 💐

He's cheated within your first year of marriage?

Some marriages can, and do, survive infidelity, but the question surely should be 'Do you want to?' - and I would follow that up with 'Why?'.

You're obviously a powerful, determined, reflective person. Why would you want to put the kind of effort in to this relationship? Imagine what you could accomplish without having to rebuild something you didn't shatter.