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Relationships

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How to let go…

5 replies

soulful22 · 08/08/2026 21:32

I’m struggling to let go of the idea that my now ex partner had spyware on my phone for almost 8 years. There is way too many coincidences and his behaviour when I reset my phone and when I bought up the subject of spyware on my phone was way too suspicious. We separated about 9 months ago now, and I just find myself replaying moments where things just make sense why he behaved a certain way, if he was spying on my phone and seeing particular messages etc. and I find myself asking, just why, why would anyone do that. And then use what they have seen to be manipulative. For example, when I was pregnant with my second child, I was feeling down, and mentioned to my sister I wonder if things would have been different with my previous partner (a guy called lewis). Within a few days my current partner at the time suggested, the name lewis, as a baby name for our child that I was pregnant with. Which was random and unusual as he was always suggesting Italian names (he is Italian). Other examples, (I used to watch porn, don’t judge) but behaving in the same way as the men behaved in the videos I watched. But when I would ask to try new things and what was his suggestion, he could never think of anything. But yet near to the time of me watching some videos randomly he would then do different things in the bedroom. The list goes on but I’m just unsure of how to move forward and let this go. Any help? Sorry for the long messag

OP posts:
sesquipedalian · 08/08/2026 21:35

Could you not take your phone to a phone shop and find out? I wouldn’t have a clue how to find out such a thing, but there are plenty of people who would.

soulful22 · 08/08/2026 21:52

I’ve reset my phone now. I got to a point where it had to be done. I didn’t have the money to have it checked professionally and there were too many consequences. It all just makes a lot of sense now. But I’m struggling to let it go and move on

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2026 21:53

Freaky.

I guess putting it together reveals something very disturbing about the man you were living with.

Did he have other controlling or invasive behaviours?

soulful22 · 08/08/2026 22:00

Looking back now, yes he did, but I stupidly overlooked it. When we first got together. He would stand behind me and look over my shoulder, reading my messages. He would accuse me of checking out guys every time we were out. Or if I said I had to go, he would think it’s because of some guy. If we had an argument he would always bring up something like “yeah go and find a new guy to fuck”
I was very young and dumb when we got together. And regret settling and having kids with him. But here we are.

OP posts:
category12 · 08/08/2026 22:10

It's good that you're out of it now.

Might be worth doing the Freedom Programme or something to help you work through it?

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