Struggling to move on and rebuild my life

[CariadStar]

I'm going through a divorce. It is taking years. Since the separation we have lost both sets of parents, moved country. I have lost my job and struggling to find a new one.
The situation is a complex. My issue is that although I wanted the divorce, I am struggling.
I caught him cheating, using escorts, going on online forums looking for hook ups, etc. And it transpires that he had several affairs/liaisons during our marriage. My life has been upended.
He is in a new relationship with a woman who adores him and puts all over Facebook about her love for him and how great he is. For me he was moody, controlling and wanted to do very little with me or the family. He sees her every weekend and they do lots of things together.
I'm jobless, been staying with friends or house sitting while I wait for my settlement.
I don't want to go into all details, but it is a painful, emotionally challenging process. My health has suffered and I feel broken.
I can't seem to recover from the trauma the situation has caused. People say move on, but I am stuck. I don't think I will ever trust anyone again and I am struggling to keep things together. I can't see a future.
Please share any advice to help me move on and hopefully build a future for myself. Thank you.

Step number 1: block.him and any Facebook/social media linked to him- not on it so don't know how it works. Once settlement is sorted u will be able to.see the wood from the trees and start to build a better life. No one should have to deal with deceit and infidelity. U will have more peace than when you were with him OP.

It is a shock to the system and it takes a while to come to terms with it. However one day you will accept this relationship is over, that the universe has done you a huge favour by moving you away from the toxicity. It is then you will be inspired to create a new chapter in your life. The new beginning of something that will build from new foundations. It will evolve over time. Decisions will have to be made, but those decisions will revolve around your MH and well being, so that you continue in peace and harmony. This inspiration will come. The first step is acceptance.
Good luck OP.

How long will it take to resolve ? Don't you have funds to rent somewhere? You're in limbo but it will end but are you taking all steps to finish this? I had a friend like this and she wouldn't engage with the divorce as she didn't want to be divorced. I know how hard it is but you need to be proactive.

It is hard. Many of us have been there but get it together. Stop looking at FB ! One day you will realise this is a painful start to your new life. I do have sympathy but you do need to do your part.

It's difficult to move on when things are complex and the divorce is not finalised. It sounds like a very traumatic end to the marriage and you've had lots to deal with on top of that as well. It's no wonder you're reeling.

Please stop looking at his new girlfriend's social media and block them both. That's a good first step. Stop imagining that he's having this wonderful life - he may be on his best behaviour now but realistically, how long will it last? Given his behaviour while married to you, it's only a matter of time before he shows his true colours. A leopard doesn't change his spots. I'm always suspicious of couples who gush all over social media anyway, the reality is usually far from what's being presented!

Have you seen your GP? I think it would be a good idea, you may benefit from a course of antidepressants and some talking therapy. You have been through a lot. There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting some support.

I think what will ultimately help you is time, and getting your final settlement. It's hard to make plans until you know your financial situation and have sorted out your own housing. Be kind to yourself and don't put pressure on yourself to 'feel better' or be ready to move on. Look after yourself lovely 💐

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time op.

Absolutely keep him blocked. And keep in mind that it is normal for people to be on their best behaviour early on so she doesn’t know what he’s like yet.

Also, personal opinion but…people who are genuinely happy don’t tend to need to shout it from the rooftops every five minutes cause they’re busy actually enjoying themselves.

And on the bright side, you have a friend who loves you enough to put you up through all this. And yes it’s taking time but you’ll get there and then you’ll have your own space to do your own thing without some misery guts partner sucking the fun out of it all.

As for trusting others, well, you don’t need to. But rebuilding trust in yourself is probably a big factor too. And that takes time. Be kind to yourself. Plenty of bubble baths and chocolate and dancing around like no one’s watching, if possible.

Maybe think about any little dreams you have for the future. Like a place you really want to visit. Or a sunny holiday or a new hobby to take up. Writing a bucket list of things you want to do might help. But fill it with fun things, not just drudgery like completing the divorce.